So, Kozu Sports Day

but first...
I just finished reading "In Cold Blood", a true story about a family of four slain by murderers in a remote location in Kansas. I can't help but get a little freaked out because I'M OUT IN A REMOTE LOCATION! (not in Kansas, but still) and I try not to imagine a KILLER SNEAKING INTO MY APARTMENT THROUGH THE BACK DOOR WHICH I USUALLY KEEP UNLOCKED, BUT NOT ANYMORE, NO WAY, I'M NOT ABOUT TO GET STABBED IN MY BED!!! It also doesn't help that a shrieking banshee of a wind is whipping about Kozu. I keep thinking I hear 'I'm gonna stab you in the bed', but it's just the wind, right? Right?

Okay, enough freaking out.

Sports Day!












Man, what a blast. The day started out with all sorts of pomp and fanfare. Students and trophies were paraded in, first with piped in music, then with a wee little, out-of-tune marching band.

















My favorites were the ladies with the xylophones.

There was also a huge group warm-up, accompanied by a jaunty little tune and someone giving upbeat directions.











Then, kindergardeners were marched in and forced to perform a grueling two minute workout involving running around in one direction and then in the other to some wacky music. It looked EXHAUSTING.











I was impressed by their tenacity and iron will. None of them cried for mommy. However, I did notice a couple of them take out flasks and add a little shochu to their juice boxes.
All throughout the day, there were races run by elementary, junior high, and high school kids and their parents. A lot of the high schoolers tried to look too cool for the day's events (attendance was mandatory), but they were totally into it, especially the relay races.














As I mentioned before, I ran the marathon, which by the way, isn't 26 miles, but more like 1 or 2 kilometers. I was gunning for first place in the 'women's' category and a free plane ticket off the island (Sweet! Sayonara, bitches!), but alas, I was bested by my weak bladder and a junior high student. I told her I was gonna kick her ass after school, but then I lost her in the crowd (I mean, all Japanese people look the same, right?). It also didn't help that the previous first place champ was looking on. Mary (or Meari, as she is known here) was last year's JET and quite the sportswoman. I haven't been able to look her in the eye since my defeat. I still got 2nd place and a bitchin' medal that I wear all the time now, even when I shower.

After an energy-boosting lunch of fish pancake and seaweed milk,








I was ready to jump back in. I was suckered into playing some sort of chicken fight with Kyu-san, Mori-san, and Mary.








I thought it would be some light shoving or bumping. Hell no! These island women can fight. I was ATTACKED by one of my high schoolers, the seemingly sweet Ai-chan. Bitch would've scalped me if I'd given her the chance.








The game was broadcast on Kozu's tv channel and you can clearly see the fear in my eyes (they also added word balloons so everyone could understand me as I screamed, "Oh my God! Oh my God! For the love of Christ, don't let her tear my face off!"). I somehow managed to stay alive and on the winning team. The prize: two bottles of dishsoap.

Soon after, the day's events ended and it was on to the enkai (schoolteacher's party)! Yeah! Picture any college party you've ever been to, but with more old dudes. Everyone was drunk by twenty minutes, wasted and building beer can pyramids by thirty minutes, and wrapping it up within two hours. Efficient.














After I cleansed my body of dirt, sweat, urine, and wine cooler, I met up with Mary and Niijima Mike (see Niijima post from August) at Snow Tavern.












After a couple pieces of karaage chicken, a couple beers, and my favorite wacky noodle dish called konyaku, we headed to karaoke! Yee!
Now, you guys all know what a karaoke champ I am, and I've had my moments of stardom as well as some utter bombs. But I have to say, this night takes the crown as far as Worst Karaoke Ever. I wasn't singing, I was shrieking Elton John's 'Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me'. Mary also joined in asScream Queen Number Two. I think we induced a woman into labor. Luckily, there is no evidence.

It was an awesome day. I was so happy to be running, jumping, peeing, speaking fluent English. My new life goal: introduce Brenda Sports Day. Grab a pair of Depends and sneakers.

Here are some Honorable Mentions:
























This weekend is Kozu High's School Festival. From what I've seen of the preparations, it's gonna be like the best party you've ever been to times infinity. There's still time to buy a plane ticket and get over here. You can stay at my house, I still have a giant bottle of shochu to polish off.