Top Ten!

Because my last Tokyo post was so long and Stevhan and I had such a bitchin' time while he was here, I've decided to narrow it down to the top ten moments of his visit.

For those of you not in the know, Stevhan is my main squeeze who came all the way to Chicago to cook me breakfast every morning and throw out the Gokiburi Hoi-Hois.

So, without further ado (and in no particular order):

1. Park Hotel Tokyo- When we got to our swanky hotel, we spent a few hours scoping out the amenities, drinking champagne, getting chocolate all over the sheets (the maid probably thought we had colitis), and doing...other stuff. When we ventured out of room for dinner, we could totally hear our neighbor down the hall going buck wild. She was screaming and gasping and straight up shouting (Could've been his name, could've been her favorite laundry detergent. I don't know. I don't speak Japanese) We don't know what our Japanese businessman was up to, but clearly he was taking care of it. It was a great omen for the week.

2. Tsukiji Market- One of the benefits of Stev's jet lag was his ability to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and drag my ass up as well. At 7:30 in the morning, we went to Tokyo Central Wholesale Market, where 90% of seafood consumed in Tokyo comes in (about 2,400 tons). Unfortunately it was closed that day, so we went to the back streets of Tsukiji to sample some of the catch.



I had the best sushi I'd ever had in my life, although my experience was totally ruined when I saw Stevhan stab his sushi with a chopstick, slosh it around in soy sauce and gobbled it down, getting soy sauce and rice down his shirt. At the next sushi bar, he was forced to wear a bib and was not allowed to touch chopsticks.

3. Ghibli Museum- Hiyao Miyazaki has his museum in a lovely, tree-lined suburb of Tokyo and even the bus we took to get there had some of his characters on it. We got to see a short Ghibli movie and see adorable kids play on a fuzzy cat bus. The whole place was so fun and neat, you'll just have to go there and see for yourself.



4. Stevhan at school- Once we got to Kozu, Stevhan quickly became the island heartthrob. Much to his chagrin, I let everyone know beforehand that he is the model for John Constantine, the Hellblazer comic's anti-hero. All the students asked him about the movie, but it was fun watching them try to describe their favorite scenes. Suddenly, I was much cooler with the boy students and the girl students wanted to know if we were really boyfriend and girlfriend. Their reaction when I said yes: "EEEEHHHH??!!!!!"



Even the ladies of the island were smitten. A chorus of moms at the Kozu store: "Hello, Ste-ban!!!"
It was awesome.

5. Getting drunk- Seeing as Japanese can't hold their liquor for shit, it was nice to tip back more than a few with someone who could drink half a bottle of whiskey and still hold my hair back. Maybe.

While he was drunk, I got him to eat a snail.


"Gross!!" He cried like a bitch for the rest of the night.

6. Akasaki- The nice thing about September is the lack of tourists at all the cool spots. Akasaki Bay is the place for snorkeling and swimming and it was still warm out for both. We had the whole place to ourselves and it was like having the coolest fort to play in without the nieghbor kids busting in or your mom nagging you to come in for lunch and don't track any dirt into the kitchen, I just mopped.




7. Karaoke- Finally, a night of J-pop, Styx, and Britney Spears. With a little room, some beer-u and an amazing book of songs, we rocked the mike. Much to Stevhan's embarrassment, I blew everyone away with 'Domo Arigato, Mr Roboto.' Soon they will crown me Rock Queen of the Island.


8. Spider- This guy wipes out any fears I have of cockroaches. Now I'm afraid this three-foot bugger will fall on me while I'm taking a shit, making me flip out and fling poo everywhere. A bizzare fear, but still very real.



9. Love Hotel- On our second stay in Tokyo, we stayed on Love Hotel Hill, although it was such a bitch trying to get a room because nobody wanted to deal with foreigners. After about two hours of searching ( and me fuming), we finally found this blacklight gem of a room. Best thing about it: a Vin Diesel movie was on.

From this


To this!

10. Asakusa sushi bar- On our last night, we went to a tiny traditional sushi bar. There were tatami platforms, a beautiful sushi bar made of some kind of Japanese wood and the perfect atmosphere. After a while, we were the only ones there and we got to 'talking' (trying out a word or a phrase from our phrasebook) with the proprietors.


They ended up giving us miso soup and grapes, a little cherry blossom bag, a gourd toothpick holder, and teacups with the restaurant name in Kanji. They were so kind and wonderful, we were blown away. To be so nice to a stranger, and making the effort to communicate with us dopey gaijin. It was one of the highlights of our trip.

Honorable Mentions:



I have no idea.



Friends in the ultra-cool Harajuku neighborhood.

I should also say that trying to get back to Kozu when there was a typhoon raging was horrible. Both plane and boat were cancelled and I had no money, only a credit card (which little help in a cash-based society). I was stranded at the pier, trying not to let everyone know I was bawling, when a woman appeared asking me what was wrong. With my broken Japanese I told her that I couldn't get home because the plane tommorrow was cash only and the boat (which took credit card) was cancelled for two days. This total stranger listened to my pathetic story and then handed me twenty thousand yen (the equivalent of $175) saying she would lend me the money to get back. I was blown away. I tried to take her out to lunch, but she ended up paying for that too. We spent about an hour together and then we went our separate ways, with her address and phone number in my bag.

The kindness I have experienced from her and many others is an inspiration to me. It makes my heart feel bigger and it helps me to think twice before getting frustrated or angry because I'm not being understood or getting my needs across. Their goodwill inspires patience and understanding. They make me love Japan.

Cultural Divides....



I knew things were gonna be different here, especially coming from a Western country. But I was unprepared for how many minute details were so different to what I was used to:



Asian bench.














Japanese concrete.















Oriental ping-pong scorecard.













Plastic wrap.







All with their distinct Oriental stamp that blows my mind. Who comes up with this shit?! Who are these masters of Zen design?
My man comes into town on Saturday and we will be blowing Tokyo to bits. I am especially excited about the Ninja restaurant I will be dining at. Expect action-packed photos after I'm done with the crippling depression caused by Stevhan's departure.
See you in a couple weeks!

Finally drunk!

at the Parent-Teacher barbecue.
It took half a day, but I finally got royally wasted in Japan.
It took:
3 beers
2 shoju and rocks
a grape rice wine cooler
2 more beers
whiskey and rocks
and the magic of the onsen.

It started off innocently enough with a ping pong tournament.































and we were gonna have a badminton tournament, but it got cut short when someone twisted their ankle.
So off to the barbecue at Maehama!








It was a beautiful day and there was so much food to go around. The parents busted out some interesting seafood,

including this stinky and gross tasting fish (not the one in the picture) that tasted like old man asshole covered in dingleberries. No joke. I guess it's an acquired taste. And I tried a fish eyeball. It was weird.

What was super good were these clams called karetomono (I think), which means turtle hands. And they really do look like them.













I had been drinking since the moment I got there, trying to foster the image of the genteel American lady who can hold down her booze (I said I was trying), and since I didn't see hardly anyone with a beer, I thought I was the only lush. Turns out, what I thought were grapefruit and peach drinks were straight up rice wine coolers (I had a grape one and it was disgustingly sweet and I loved it). Soon, everyone was laughing and falling off their chairs and very very red.






















It was nice to see the teachers, normally so stoic, cutting loose and trying to talk to me. I'm sure Monday morning they'll clam up again, but now I know they like me.







































We watched the sun set,












and then started cleaning up. I don't know who's bright idea it was to go to the onsen, but I went along because I was...wasted. Duh.
It didn't help my situation. Here I was, soaking in a pool, guzzling water, and saying who knows what kind of jackass comments. I decided to throw an improptu party and invited two teachers from the elementary school. I think they think I'm an ass.
While we sat in the massage chairs, I told everyone again to come to my house. We stopped by the liquor store and I was all set to get a bottle of whiskey and they were horrified. "Only beer-u, only beer-u!" Pussies. Luckily, one of the other teachers had some whiskey and brought it over. It was a small group of us, but we had a good spread. That's what I like about drinking in Japan: always some good drinking snacks on hand.
Everybody left fairly early and I worried it was because I did something stupid or rude or they were maybe afraid I would start pouring beer on their heads. But I think it went ok.
It's now morning (I won't tell you in what state I woke up), and I'm sipping some tomato juice and gearing up to clean my house. I may have some alligator jerky left over from last night first.

The First Week Is Over....

and it wasn't that bad.
Let's go over the bad points first.
Now, I know we all live on an island over here, but that's no reason to treat school like a personal Club Med. My boy students frequently run around shirt- and shoe-less. All the kids think it's ok to sleep (and I mean SLEEP: they're sprawled out on the floor, mouth open wide), text on their cellphones, and listen to music (most of the cells are music players). Since I was the new girl, most of the time they were pretty alert. They talked a lot, but I found out they were talking about what I was presenting, which I guess is okay. I also heard many statements like, "I like marijuana," or "My name crazy." That's great, but if you're gonna say shit like that, you better be prepared to tell me the name of your dealer.
After class, I thought I would be able to hide from the hooligans in the staff room. Wrong. The kids run the school and take the liberty of going into any room they like when they want to. So while I'm at my desk trying to study Japanese, they'll point to my grade school hiragana writing exercise (with little bunnies on the border) and laugh or call me 'baka'. I don't know if it means idiot or stupid, but it definitely doesn't add to my cool factor.
But when I had my smaller elective classes, teaching was more fun. And I don't know if you call what I do 'teaching'. I just make nifty posters and try to involve them in my presentations, and trying to trick them into speaking English. When they're in smaller groups, they're a bit more eager. Sometimes I get a sea of blank looks, but that comes from not knowing what the hell I'm talking about.
As I was talking about being an actor, one of the students asked me what I was doing here if I had a career to get to back home (she said this in Japanese, of course). I had to stop and think and smile, because it's a question I had to ask myself before I made the decision to come here. I told her that while I would always be an actor, coming to Japan and being in Kozu was a once in a lifetime chance. She smiled and seemed pleased with the answer.
Don't get me wrong. The kids are really nice and I think they're pretty interested in me. Really, these are just lessons in patience, keeping my cool, and remembering what it was like to be a teenager. And while it is tiring trying to keep these kids interested, it's fun trying to think up neat lessons for them. It's all trial and error here. We'll see how it goes.
I didn't get an pics of my classes, but here's some from a cooking class I dropped in on:


These are the 2nd year students in their Kozu culture class.








The only time they didn't flip the peace sign is when I caught them off-guard.














They were making a typical Kozu meal of sweet potato cakes, rice with nori and soy sauce, and some sort of saba (mackerel) soup. It was fucking delicious.





Some of the students made me my own special cakes. They can be so goddman sweet, the lil bastards.









and my enemy, the cell phone. They have so much shit dangling from those things.









Next up: Wasted at the PTA meeting!

You know...


The first day wasn't so bad. I had my talkers and nappers, but nobody flipped me off or set me on fire. So, as a little pat on the back, I've cracked open a beer and I've got myself all cozy so I can watch 'True Romance', courtesy of my sweetheart's care package. I'll post a full rundown of how my first week went on Fri or Sat, complete with school lunch details.

*burp*

Softball update






Today I played in the elementary, junior high, and high school faculty softball game and it was a blast! And I was not a total puss like I thought I was gonna be. I managed to catch the ball and tag a guy out, and get to base most every time I batted. Woo! I even managed to learn a few Japanese cheers, like, "Hit the ball or we will kill you" and "Don't mind, don't mind" (a broken English version of 'never mind').
Kozu High School didn't fuck around when it came to the game







and I drank a bottle of Japanese virgin sweat for extra power


but we ended up coming in last because the umpires were all big, fat drunkards.

At the end of the tourney, there were prizes, and I won for best shit-talk, or most enthusiastic, depending on which side of the Pacific you come from. It was a bottle of cheap looking German white wine and I already drank it, so don't bother coming over.
And what do you do after a grueling morning of sports? Onsen!
It was my first time at the Kozu hot springs and it was awesome. There is a beautiful view of the ocean and I learned that if you drop a big funemushi (sea cockroach) in the onsen water, it induces labor and all her baby funemushi poop out of her. Eeew!

The evening was crowned by a trip to Snow tavern, where I found out they served delicious lychee liquor cocktails. You will be finding me there every winter night. I will post the tavern's address so you can call me there directly.

What a perfect summer day. I'm gonna sleep off my buzz and stress about school tommorow.
Good night!

First day of school.


Today, we had opening ceremonies, where the I got to meet the high schoolers for the first time as a student body.
Oh man....
One of the JET seminars that we had warned against thinking of Japanese high school students as obedient, quiet little robots. Now, I never consciously had that in mind. I figured they would be shy and quiet, but interested and eager to join in on the fantastic voyage that is learning English.
Maybe that's how it is at TokyoDisney (or a middle level school), but not at mine.
The students were clumped in to tiny groups here and there, chatting and laying down and doing each other's hair. When the teachers tried to line them, they formed three messy lines (first, second, and third year students). When the principle went up to make some opening remarks, they still talked, did each other's hair, laid about. And the principle just went on, talking in a low voice about God knows what. Teachers would come by and try to get them up, either by saying something in a low voice or nudging them a bit. The kids would sit up and eventually slide back down into lounge mode.
Then it was my turn to speak. All eyes shot to me and they looked at me like wolves eyeing an Oscar Meyer weiner. Thankfully, I still had skills from my salad days. I turned on my 'actor' voice and said, "KONNICHIWA, BITCHES!" Ok, I w didn't say 'bitches', but I mentally added it.
That got their attention. I managed to have everyone's attention during my one minute speech (in Japanese!) about being feeling welcomed to Kozu, excited about the school year, indoctrinating them with firm, Republican values, blah blah blah. At the end, I let them know this was the last time they were getting any Japanese out of me and I hopped off my little stool and went to stand with the other teachers. A couple of them flashed me a thumbs up. Whew!
After that, I got a couple catcalls, others calling out my name during other speeches. These kids just do not give a fuck. The other teachers say the biggest problem is getting these kids interested in class. They are not above sleeping or checking their cells while in class.
So, I'm a tad nervous. I've got some things lined up, but there's no way to prepare against an apathetic teenager. I just gotta go in guns blazing. I just wish I'd thought to bring a taser.
I'm off to drown my sorrows in a solitary glass of shoju. I can't even get drunk tonight, as I will be playing in faculty softball tournament tommorrow.
Number of practices I've had: 1
When was the last time I played softball? Never.
*sigh*
I'll be posting a tear-stained blog on Monday. WIsh me luck.