Christmas has come and gone here in the future. Here's how my day went down:
-Awoke to a grey, rainy day. Called Stevhan and opened my presents that he had sent me. I squealed with delight at my little toys and Ali G dvd.
-Went to work and sat around reading 'American Gods'. Around lunchtime, I received a fat envelope of money. I hi-fived the office clerk like I always do on payday and went to the bank.
-Did fifty pushups in the training room at school. What? I did!
-Had a delicious X-mas dinner of breaded pork cutlet and an ice cream sandwich, just like I always wanted to since I was five.
It's been a pretty rad Christmas.
I've had plenty of time to reflect in the last six months and especially about 2006. Except for about two months in early Spring (the douchebag shall not be named), it's been an amazingly wonderful year. I moved to a new city, met the man of my dreams (or rather, the 'What I Want In A Man' list I made whilst eating brunch one morn), and moved to a beautiful island in Japan. I've experienced great kindness, tasted disgusting fish, and had the luxury of taking morning dips in the ocean. I'm so fuh-reaking thankful. I feel like I'm on an upward trend here, so I'm gonna hazard a guess that 2007 will be just as sweet as this year, if not sweeter.
Of course all this happiness and personal growth and shit could not have been made without my boyfriend, friends, and family. Thank you for making me a better person. I love you all and I hope six great things happen to you all next year. Happy Holidays.
(ugh, gross. I'm gonna barf from all the saccharine.)
Monday, December 25, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Happy Old Year
Ah, Christmas. A time of joy and gift-giving and fucking in love motels.
Wait, wha?
Yes, a Japanese Chrstmas is more for the couples, who use the holiday as an excuse to sneak off to a themed love motel of their choice. How will you celebrate the birth of Christ? A 'Pirates of the Carribean' style adventure? Bondage Room? Or perhaps a playful Hello Kitty Boudoir?
It's New Year's Day that's the family holiday here. You spend the day with the family, eating a traditional meal called osechi, particular foods that help bring good luck throughout the year.
So, even though I'm away from friends and family at this time, I don't feel too bad. I'm not wandering the streets of Kozu dressed in rags, peering into family gatherings, and wiping away a single solitary tear.
I did make a little X-mas corner
and yes it does look quite pathetic. The Christmas cards are from some of the very sweet girl students, including this one with a comic.
Cute!
And no, those presents aren't dried fish that I wrapped myself in a fit of insanity. My man sent me presents so I had something to open on Christmas. That's why he's the best boyfriend in the world. (You know what? It's my blog and I can be as sugar-fucking-plum sweet as I wanna be).
And of course, there's a slew of Christmas, or rather Happy Old Year parties to attend. Co-workers gather together to eat, highlight the past year's memorable events, and get wasted. I wish I had a picture of the science teacher swishing around in a sparkly party hat and sash, or the PE teacher drunkenly swaying to the soothing sounds of 'Immigrant Song' at the karaoke bar. But alas, I left the camera at home.
Last night, I went to the Ladies Teachers' Party and that was a little more tame, although it was kinda weird hearing them reminisce about the weight gain and then look pointedly at me. I just smiled an idiotic gaijin smile and shoveled more yakisoba in my mouth. It's not like any of these women are obese or even overweight. One woman told me (in her broken English) that she was proud of her broad shoulders and chest. I hi-fived her and we both had second-helpings of fried rice.
(Later, I was told that it was a joke that the junior high teachers were in on. Okaaaay.)
BUT THEN! I went to the kindergarden principle's private party with Kyu-san and Mori-san.
It was hilarious.
They opened up the restaurant for the six older dudes and one waitress hovered about making sure everybody's drink was full. When we arrived, there was a loud cheer and more glasses brought out. Mori-san was made to sit between this dude
Kyu-san was seated there
and I was wedged in between two chain-smoking men with bad teeth and big smiles.
It was like I was a combination of escort/life of the party/geisha, which I think is how many Japanese women are viewed at in parties such as this one. That's certainly how hostess clubs work. And I felt weird, but seeing as the guys weren't trying to feel me up or anything, I decided to enjoy myself.
There was of course karaoke and seeing as this was the over-fifty crowd, I worked the room with classics such as 'Mandie' and 'Yesterday'. The dudes were all about it. One guy came up to do air guitar (with 'Mandie'? Aw, let a guy dream). The principal did drums with chopsticks and an empty water bottle. I got the waitress to sing 'Beat It' with me (she even had moves!)
and we all went nuts. I mean, these guys are grown men and they were running around like high schoolers,
accusing each other of being perverts or taking it in the butt.
Or making silly face. And this guy's a principal!
Their karaoke consisted mainly of Enka (a classic, 'country-style' genre that older Japanese go nuts over. It's pretty cheesy. Think 70s shlock).
There was also this bizarre English tune. I had no idea what it was about.
Whenever I'd be sitting down, I'd get a barrage of questions. Sometimes the waitress would try to help with a little translating and if they ever got inappropriate, she'd say, "Bye-bye!" and get up to serve someone else. She was cool like that. Kyu-san and Mori-san kept mouthing, "Daijobu? (No problem?)" and I'd raise my glass of sparkling apple wine and say "Kampai!".
I had a kickass time with these dudes, but I was exhausted from all the smiling and attempts at conversation. Some gaijin are employed as exotic hostesses. I couldn't possibly put up with this hostessing shit night after night and not all Japanese men are as cool as these guys. I walked home, mixed myself a Bloody Mary and called it a night.
Wait, wha?
Yes, a Japanese Chrstmas is more for the couples, who use the holiday as an excuse to sneak off to a themed love motel of their choice. How will you celebrate the birth of Christ? A 'Pirates of the Carribean' style adventure? Bondage Room? Or perhaps a playful Hello Kitty Boudoir?
It's New Year's Day that's the family holiday here. You spend the day with the family, eating a traditional meal called osechi, particular foods that help bring good luck throughout the year.
So, even though I'm away from friends and family at this time, I don't feel too bad. I'm not wandering the streets of Kozu dressed in rags, peering into family gatherings, and wiping away a single solitary tear.
I did make a little X-mas corner
and yes it does look quite pathetic. The Christmas cards are from some of the very sweet girl students, including this one with a comic.
Cute!
And no, those presents aren't dried fish that I wrapped myself in a fit of insanity. My man sent me presents so I had something to open on Christmas. That's why he's the best boyfriend in the world. (You know what? It's my blog and I can be as sugar-fucking-plum sweet as I wanna be).
And of course, there's a slew of Christmas, or rather Happy Old Year parties to attend. Co-workers gather together to eat, highlight the past year's memorable events, and get wasted. I wish I had a picture of the science teacher swishing around in a sparkly party hat and sash, or the PE teacher drunkenly swaying to the soothing sounds of 'Immigrant Song' at the karaoke bar. But alas, I left the camera at home.
Last night, I went to the Ladies Teachers' Party and that was a little more tame, although it was kinda weird hearing them reminisce about the weight gain and then look pointedly at me. I just smiled an idiotic gaijin smile and shoveled more yakisoba in my mouth. It's not like any of these women are obese or even overweight. One woman told me (in her broken English) that she was proud of her broad shoulders and chest. I hi-fived her and we both had second-helpings of fried rice.
(Later, I was told that it was a joke that the junior high teachers were in on. Okaaaay.)
BUT THEN! I went to the kindergarden principle's private party with Kyu-san and Mori-san.
It was hilarious.
They opened up the restaurant for the six older dudes and one waitress hovered about making sure everybody's drink was full. When we arrived, there was a loud cheer and more glasses brought out. Mori-san was made to sit between this dude
Kyu-san was seated there
and I was wedged in between two chain-smoking men with bad teeth and big smiles.
It was like I was a combination of escort/life of the party/geisha, which I think is how many Japanese women are viewed at in parties such as this one. That's certainly how hostess clubs work. And I felt weird, but seeing as the guys weren't trying to feel me up or anything, I decided to enjoy myself.
There was of course karaoke and seeing as this was the over-fifty crowd, I worked the room with classics such as 'Mandie' and 'Yesterday'. The dudes were all about it. One guy came up to do air guitar (with 'Mandie'? Aw, let a guy dream). The principal did drums with chopsticks and an empty water bottle. I got the waitress to sing 'Beat It' with me (she even had moves!)
and we all went nuts. I mean, these guys are grown men and they were running around like high schoolers,
accusing each other of being perverts or taking it in the butt.
Or making silly face. And this guy's a principal!
Their karaoke consisted mainly of Enka (a classic, 'country-style' genre that older Japanese go nuts over. It's pretty cheesy. Think 70s shlock).
There was also this bizarre English tune. I had no idea what it was about.
Whenever I'd be sitting down, I'd get a barrage of questions. Sometimes the waitress would try to help with a little translating and if they ever got inappropriate, she'd say, "Bye-bye!" and get up to serve someone else. She was cool like that. Kyu-san and Mori-san kept mouthing, "Daijobu? (No problem?)" and I'd raise my glass of sparkling apple wine and say "Kampai!".
I had a kickass time with these dudes, but I was exhausted from all the smiling and attempts at conversation. Some gaijin are employed as exotic hostesses. I couldn't possibly put up with this hostessing shit night after night and not all Japanese men are as cool as these guys. I walked home, mixed myself a Bloody Mary and called it a night.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Step Into The Jungle- Only Fifteen Blocks Away
What's nice about living in Kozu is that you can do magnificent feats over the weekend. Instead of hanging out at the mall or smoking crack, you can hike the jungle and climb a mountain. Seeing as I had no way of scoring any dope, I decided to climb the mountain.
On Saturday, I woke up with a mild hangover at 11:30. After a leisurely breakfast of Advil and coffee, I got my shit together and headed uphill.
Kozushima is fairly small and the jungle meets the village after about fifteen blocks. I puffed my way uphill, past gardens and chickens
and got to the trailhead. The trail itself has a beautiful entrance: tall pines acting as a sort of gateway into the jungle. Someone had thoughtfully left some bamboo walking sticks. I picked one out and started climbing.
Tenjo-san is only 572 meters ( about 1,876 feet) so it isn't a long or arduous hike. The walk through the jungle was beautiful. Gently rotting camellias dotted the trail, trees twisted around so as to form a canopy all around you.
The ocean sounded in the distance, and just when I would get a little lonely, these guys would greet me at intervals:
These statues are called Ojizo-san. They're all over the island, hidden away in little alcoves with offerings at their feet (coins, tea, Fanta grape soda). I was at the coffeeshop today and I tried to find out more about them. The proprietess spewed out a bunch of info on the little statues in Japanese, but could only say "Good luck" in English.
At the foot of Tenjo-san, there was a torii and another ojizo-san.
According to Fodor's, "..torii are meant to symbolize the seperation of the everyday secular world from the spiritual world of the Shinto shrine," but what the fuck do they know. It felt as if, once I crossed the torii, something magical was about to happen, all 'Princess Monoke' style. So I placed a coin in front of the ojizo, bowed, and passed through.
It was a bit of a letdown to run right into a group of tourists after that. They were amazed to see a gaijin on this lil island and they asked me where I was from. I gave them the usual America-jin eigo no sensei and they were all like, "Cool." One of the old dudes asked if I had a boyfurendo. I said yes and that he better watch himself or he'll kick his ass.
When I neared the top, I ran into a couple of coworkers, Ebihara-san and Fukuhara-san. Since I had such a late start, they advised me to get going to the mountaintop. I told them if I wasn't at the high school on Monday, to call the police. Fukuhara said, "You not school Monday, you dead. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Awesome.
I also ran into these sweet ladies. I don't know if they were gathering herbs for their magic mountain potions or just doing a little maintenance work, but they fixed their hair and posed for me.
When I got near the top, it was super cold and windy, but man! What a great view. Different perspective of the island. My shitty digicam doesn't do it justice.
Supposedly, Tenjo-san is an active volcano, but hasn't gotten around to spewing anything since 833 A.D. Still, a moonage daydream was waiting for me when I reached the top.
I had landed on a solitary planet. Crows were floating in mid-air, riding a current. I walked to the end of the trail, called my man and told him I loved him. Seems like a mountaintop is as good a place as any to proclaim your love for someone.
There were more trails to explore, but it was getting dark and I didn't want to get stuck on the mountain. I could just see myself dragging my two broken legs down the trail, trying to remember how to say 'help me'. I'll be back, a little earlier in the day and not so much booze in my brain.
On Saturday, I woke up with a mild hangover at 11:30. After a leisurely breakfast of Advil and coffee, I got my shit together and headed uphill.
Kozushima is fairly small and the jungle meets the village after about fifteen blocks. I puffed my way uphill, past gardens and chickens
and got to the trailhead. The trail itself has a beautiful entrance: tall pines acting as a sort of gateway into the jungle. Someone had thoughtfully left some bamboo walking sticks. I picked one out and started climbing.
Tenjo-san is only 572 meters ( about 1,876 feet) so it isn't a long or arduous hike. The walk through the jungle was beautiful. Gently rotting camellias dotted the trail, trees twisted around so as to form a canopy all around you.
The ocean sounded in the distance, and just when I would get a little lonely, these guys would greet me at intervals:
These statues are called Ojizo-san. They're all over the island, hidden away in little alcoves with offerings at their feet (coins, tea, Fanta grape soda). I was at the coffeeshop today and I tried to find out more about them. The proprietess spewed out a bunch of info on the little statues in Japanese, but could only say "Good luck" in English.
At the foot of Tenjo-san, there was a torii and another ojizo-san.
According to Fodor's, "..torii are meant to symbolize the seperation of the everyday secular world from the spiritual world of the Shinto shrine," but what the fuck do they know. It felt as if, once I crossed the torii, something magical was about to happen, all 'Princess Monoke' style. So I placed a coin in front of the ojizo, bowed, and passed through.
It was a bit of a letdown to run right into a group of tourists after that. They were amazed to see a gaijin on this lil island and they asked me where I was from. I gave them the usual America-jin eigo no sensei and they were all like, "Cool." One of the old dudes asked if I had a boyfurendo. I said yes and that he better watch himself or he'll kick his ass.
When I neared the top, I ran into a couple of coworkers, Ebihara-san and Fukuhara-san. Since I had such a late start, they advised me to get going to the mountaintop. I told them if I wasn't at the high school on Monday, to call the police. Fukuhara said, "You not school Monday, you dead. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Awesome.
I also ran into these sweet ladies. I don't know if they were gathering herbs for their magic mountain potions or just doing a little maintenance work, but they fixed their hair and posed for me.
When I got near the top, it was super cold and windy, but man! What a great view. Different perspective of the island. My shitty digicam doesn't do it justice.
Supposedly, Tenjo-san is an active volcano, but hasn't gotten around to spewing anything since 833 A.D. Still, a moonage daydream was waiting for me when I reached the top.
I had landed on a solitary planet. Crows were floating in mid-air, riding a current. I walked to the end of the trail, called my man and told him I loved him. Seems like a mountaintop is as good a place as any to proclaim your love for someone.
There were more trails to explore, but it was getting dark and I didn't want to get stuck on the mountain. I could just see myself dragging my two broken legs down the trail, trying to remember how to say 'help me'. I'll be back, a little earlier in the day and not so much booze in my brain.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
One Night In Kyoto
but before I start: I think my aerobics instructor does crack. Or drinks the blood of children with ADD. She's so horrifyingly energetic and the music is so fast (you can adjust how fast the beat goes), I'm afraid I'll get an anuerysm or something. Ugh, I'm sore
anyways...
Kyoto! Used to be the capitol of Japan in 794, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth (I think a Tyranasaurus Rex was emperor at one point). There are many beautiful temples and buildings in the city, but I wouldn't know because I hardly saw any of it. All I saw of the city was an underground mall, an outdoor market, gaijin bars, and one temple.
Aw, I saw more than that and I'm getting ahead of myself. Why don't I introduce my fellow travellers and then I'll tell more.
The Playaz:
Nolan: Mild-mannered sensei by day, smooth operator by night, Nolan never lost his cool even when we acting like idiots and flashing our boobs.
Kristin: I bet if Kristin’s mom met the riffraff she was hanging out with, she wouldn’t let her play with us anymore.
Maisie: Sure, she looks as fresh-faced and cute as Laura Ingalls Wilder, but inside resides a diabolic mind. Having spent more time here than the rest of us, Maisie used her Japanese skillz to order drinks, bargain at flea markets, and score us the finest hashish this side of the International Date Line.
Sarah: While the rest of were bowing and kow-towing like little bitches, Sarah ran around slapping cops and scratching herself in public. Clearly the bad-ass of the group.
And of course, yours truly.
We took a two hour train ride to Kyoto. The train was a little crowded so we were separated. Maisie sat alone for maybe two minutes before she scored a Japanese boyfurendo.
Kristin unsettled the locals by announcing ‘Hai, Dozo’ and ‘Abunai’ every two minutes. Sarah looked dreamily out the window (we later found out she was fantasizing about Ludacris and NOT the fall spectacle the Japanese are so smug about).
We got to Kyoto’s giant train station just in time for lunch (It would be impossible to photograph such a monolith of a station. I’d need fifty cameras and fifty orphans all shooting at the exact moment to capture the monstrosity. And who’s got fifty orphans handy? I don’t)
We ate lunch at some mall. Here's Maisie and Sarah talking shit about some Japanese girl and Kristin's face sometimes just gets like that.
Maisie forever found a place in my heart when she spotted a locker for my big backpack (all of them were full), chased off some dirty Japanese and saved it for me.
Then we hopped a bus to Ten-jin san Market, basically this cool flea market by some temple. There was all sorts of cool shit.
And this game that looks left over from the fifties.
I wanted to buy one of these cool masks but I ain’t paying 8 bucks for a piece of plastic that isn’t gonna fit my face.
They also had silk kimonos for ten bucks, antiques, jewelry, and all kinds of crazy food. It was like being at the state fair! Except without Ted Nugent. Or elephant ears. And there’s no such thing as a state in Japan...Huh. I guess it wasn’t like the state fair at all.
By the time we were done with Ten-jin san it was already too dark to take in any culture, so it was off to get drunk-o! We headed to the cool part of town where all the other gaijin were.
It’s so funny because when you’re in Japan and you pass by another foreigner, you tend to ignore each other. Not even a look in the eyes. It’s as if all of us expats like to think we’re the only ones here (which is the case for me, so I always get a little territorial when I see one on Kozu). Anyways, there were so many here, it was like being back home. We fueled up with gyros and then started drinking.
As were weaving through the tiny streets of the Gion district (known for its traditional and expensive Japanese restaurants),
we caught a glimpse of a geisha! I was so starstruck, I trailed her for a bit, hoping she would turn around. I couldn't even get a picture of her back, she walked so fast. I wish I’d gotten a better look. In fact, everyone stopped and stared when she passed. It was like catching a glimpse of a fairy-tale past.
It was tough finding a good place because even though they had cool names like ‘Persian Club’ and ‘Demon’ and ‘Bar’, their drinks tended to be watered down and lame. We finally found a spot with decent drinks and darts. Sarah and Kristin flirted with the bartender ( perhaps an extended homestay?) while Nolan, Maisie, and I played darts. Well, they played and I hurled darts everywhere but the board.
We stopped at this place,
where Sarah announced to the server and everyone at the table that Nolan got her pregnant!
Which led to more drinking....
We went from bar to bar, playing ‘I Never’, showing boobs (actually that was just me and Sarah), and using the words ‘penis’, ‘vajin’ (compliments of ‘Borat’), and any other expletives we could think of because we could. I wish there would’ve been a Japanese person who wowuld've turned around and said, “Cocksucker! I haven’t heard that one in years!” and then proceeded to teach us how to say cocksucker, meat curtain, and Dirty Sanchez (Dirt-i Sanchez-u?) in Japanese. Such raunchiness could only culminate in a trip to THE KARAOKE BAR!! Huzzah! A room, unlimited drinks, adnd five crazy bitches. We all rocked so hard, I’m surprised we don’t have record deals.
Since the trains stop running at ten pm and all the hostels were booked up, our inevitable end was an internet cafe. You get a tiny little cubicle (supposedly you can fit three people, but that is an out and out lie) and geek out (play videogames, read manga) or pass out. We chose the latter and three of us were stuffed in a cubicle while Kristin and Nolan enjoyed a spacious extra foot of space.
We woke up early to avoid more charges (all of our money had been drank away and was getting ready to leave the lower intestines) at 6:30 in the motherfuckin' morning.
We were wrecked, pukey, and looking for breakfast. Actually, Nolan looked like he was about to jet off to a modeling gig or something and the rest of us looked like sea hags. Sexy sea hags.
We thought it’d be a shame if I left for Tokyo without catching a bit of culture, so we stopped by a temple, where I caught a glimpse of Kyoto’s autumnal beauty. Since it was so early, the temple grounds were quiet and serene with only cute dogs to greet us
There were trees in all sorts of beautiful colors and there was a little creek winding through.
It was really gorgeous and I’m sorry I only saw a little bit of the temples.
Of course the solemnity was marred a little when Sarah discovered the glories of good morning crotch scratch.
And then we had to play Lowrider Hos when we found the sexy cars.
After such tomfoolery, it was time for me to head home. As I waved goodbye, I was sad to be the first one to go. I found my way to the station, boarded the shinkansen and promptly fell asleep.
I'll be back.
anyways...
Kyoto! Used to be the capitol of Japan in 794, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth (I think a Tyranasaurus Rex was emperor at one point). There are many beautiful temples and buildings in the city, but I wouldn't know because I hardly saw any of it. All I saw of the city was an underground mall, an outdoor market, gaijin bars, and one temple.
Aw, I saw more than that and I'm getting ahead of myself. Why don't I introduce my fellow travellers and then I'll tell more.
The Playaz:
Nolan: Mild-mannered sensei by day, smooth operator by night, Nolan never lost his cool even when we acting like idiots and flashing our boobs.
Kristin: I bet if Kristin’s mom met the riffraff she was hanging out with, she wouldn’t let her play with us anymore.
Maisie: Sure, she looks as fresh-faced and cute as Laura Ingalls Wilder, but inside resides a diabolic mind. Having spent more time here than the rest of us, Maisie used her Japanese skillz to order drinks, bargain at flea markets, and score us the finest hashish this side of the International Date Line.
Sarah: While the rest of were bowing and kow-towing like little bitches, Sarah ran around slapping cops and scratching herself in public. Clearly the bad-ass of the group.
And of course, yours truly.
We took a two hour train ride to Kyoto. The train was a little crowded so we were separated. Maisie sat alone for maybe two minutes before she scored a Japanese boyfurendo.
Kristin unsettled the locals by announcing ‘Hai, Dozo’ and ‘Abunai’ every two minutes. Sarah looked dreamily out the window (we later found out she was fantasizing about Ludacris and NOT the fall spectacle the Japanese are so smug about).
We got to Kyoto’s giant train station just in time for lunch (It would be impossible to photograph such a monolith of a station. I’d need fifty cameras and fifty orphans all shooting at the exact moment to capture the monstrosity. And who’s got fifty orphans handy? I don’t)
We ate lunch at some mall. Here's Maisie and Sarah talking shit about some Japanese girl and Kristin's face sometimes just gets like that.
Maisie forever found a place in my heart when she spotted a locker for my big backpack (all of them were full), chased off some dirty Japanese and saved it for me.
Then we hopped a bus to Ten-jin san Market, basically this cool flea market by some temple. There was all sorts of cool shit.
And this game that looks left over from the fifties.
I wanted to buy one of these cool masks but I ain’t paying 8 bucks for a piece of plastic that isn’t gonna fit my face.
They also had silk kimonos for ten bucks, antiques, jewelry, and all kinds of crazy food. It was like being at the state fair! Except without Ted Nugent. Or elephant ears. And there’s no such thing as a state in Japan...Huh. I guess it wasn’t like the state fair at all.
By the time we were done with Ten-jin san it was already too dark to take in any culture, so it was off to get drunk-o! We headed to the cool part of town where all the other gaijin were.
It’s so funny because when you’re in Japan and you pass by another foreigner, you tend to ignore each other. Not even a look in the eyes. It’s as if all of us expats like to think we’re the only ones here (which is the case for me, so I always get a little territorial when I see one on Kozu). Anyways, there were so many here, it was like being back home. We fueled up with gyros and then started drinking.
As were weaving through the tiny streets of the Gion district (known for its traditional and expensive Japanese restaurants),
we caught a glimpse of a geisha! I was so starstruck, I trailed her for a bit, hoping she would turn around. I couldn't even get a picture of her back, she walked so fast. I wish I’d gotten a better look. In fact, everyone stopped and stared when she passed. It was like catching a glimpse of a fairy-tale past.
It was tough finding a good place because even though they had cool names like ‘Persian Club’ and ‘Demon’ and ‘Bar’, their drinks tended to be watered down and lame. We finally found a spot with decent drinks and darts. Sarah and Kristin flirted with the bartender ( perhaps an extended homestay?) while Nolan, Maisie, and I played darts. Well, they played and I hurled darts everywhere but the board.
We stopped at this place,
where Sarah announced to the server and everyone at the table that Nolan got her pregnant!
Which led to more drinking....
We went from bar to bar, playing ‘I Never’, showing boobs (actually that was just me and Sarah), and using the words ‘penis’, ‘vajin’ (compliments of ‘Borat’), and any other expletives we could think of because we could. I wish there would’ve been a Japanese person who wowuld've turned around and said, “Cocksucker! I haven’t heard that one in years!” and then proceeded to teach us how to say cocksucker, meat curtain, and Dirty Sanchez (Dirt-i Sanchez-u?) in Japanese. Such raunchiness could only culminate in a trip to THE KARAOKE BAR!! Huzzah! A room, unlimited drinks, adnd five crazy bitches. We all rocked so hard, I’m surprised we don’t have record deals.
Since the trains stop running at ten pm and all the hostels were booked up, our inevitable end was an internet cafe. You get a tiny little cubicle (supposedly you can fit three people, but that is an out and out lie) and geek out (play videogames, read manga) or pass out. We chose the latter and three of us were stuffed in a cubicle while Kristin and Nolan enjoyed a spacious extra foot of space.
We woke up early to avoid more charges (all of our money had been drank away and was getting ready to leave the lower intestines) at 6:30 in the motherfuckin' morning.
We were wrecked, pukey, and looking for breakfast. Actually, Nolan looked like he was about to jet off to a modeling gig or something and the rest of us looked like sea hags. Sexy sea hags.
We thought it’d be a shame if I left for Tokyo without catching a bit of culture, so we stopped by a temple, where I caught a glimpse of Kyoto’s autumnal beauty. Since it was so early, the temple grounds were quiet and serene with only cute dogs to greet us
There were trees in all sorts of beautiful colors and there was a little creek winding through.
It was really gorgeous and I’m sorry I only saw a little bit of the temples.
Of course the solemnity was marred a little when Sarah discovered the glories of good morning crotch scratch.
And then we had to play Lowrider Hos when we found the sexy cars.
After such tomfoolery, it was time for me to head home. As I waved goodbye, I was sad to be the first one to go. I found my way to the station, boarded the shinkansen and promptly fell asleep.
I'll be back.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
A Very Nagahama Thanksgiving
For those of you concerned that I spent my Thanksgiving shivering on the tatami and crying into my bean curd, worry no more. I had such a blast whilst visiting the Kansai region of Japan, I'm gonna have to make this blog a two-parter. Two featured players in the shenanigans also have blogs, so feel free to check out their blogs. Which is the true story? I'll leave it to the discerning reader to decide.
Nolan's blog:
erratics
Kristin's blog:
Nihon ni Muchu ni Natta
Part One- Nagahama 'n Nara
Nolan's a part of the OG crew in Chicago and one of maybe three cool people I met in the swarm of JETs hanging out those first few days in Tokyo, so it was only natural that we meet again.
I was very excited to take the Shinkansen to Nolan's house in Nagahama (right by Japan's biggest lake, Lake Biwa). Unfortunately, all the non-smoking seats were sold out, so my trip was marred by sonofabitch chain-smoking salarymen, with their skinny suits and tallboys. Nevertheless, it was cool to be whizzing through Japan at break-neck speed. I don't how fast we were going but it was fast. So fast that the toilets don't need flushers. Just open the lid and let the air flow suck it right out. Efficient.
I got to Nagahama rather late, but it was okay because Nolan was there with two bikes-one for him, one for me. He's dreamy like that. We cruised through the city, which even in the darkness, I could tell was very different from what I was used to. They have a McDonald's.
We get to his house which is a little chilly, but it was daijobu (no problem) because a kotatsu and a Kristin were there to greet us. What's a kotatsu, you ask? It's a low heated table which you stick your legs under and get toasty warm. Should be named best invention since the steam engine. What's a Kristin? Nolan's buddy from Chicago here in Japan on homestay and one of the best people to make moustaches with. I'll get to that in a second. We stayed up shooting the shit and then we dragged ourselves away to the kotatsu and into bed.
Next day was Thanksgiving! I looked out the window and there was no parade. But there was breakfast and after that we hopped on our bikes to Nolan's high school.
Ah, Nagahama! Land so plentiful with bears, they come down every first and third Friday of the month to fight with the locals. Tickets available through Ticketmaster.
It was a beautiful ride through the borders of the countryside.
Nagahama is bordered by mountains which were carpeted with trees in their autumnal glory. Now I get why the Japanese are so smug about the fall here.
We passed by one temple surrounded by a bamboo grove that was a bit shabby from wear and tear, but no less solemn.
We passed rice paddies and small gardens and obachans (grandmothers) working in the fields.
We got to the agricultural school (one of Nolan's two schools) where some farmer's market was supposed to be happening, but because we were such lazy gaijin, we only caught the clean-up. The students immediately wanted to know what kind of tricks Nolan was pulling to be having such fine-ass hos at his side and he just winked and said, "Later."
(that is so not true. Nolan is quite the gentleman. I think they made him blush a little bit. heehee)
We also came upon this sign, which maybe had to do with why I couldn't understand what the students were saying when I asked them what they were selling. I thought they all had lisps.
Afterwards, we went to a nearby temple that had these giants steps. It's fucking beatiful.
It was also a pain in the ass getting to the top, but I guess the students have to run up and down them during PE. I'd hate to be the asthma kid. The view at the top is worth it, though.
There was also a dude having a Zen moment with his sake. I would've joined him but he only had a one-cup.
Afterwards, we zipped around town. I saw the lake, which looks a tad depressing at this time,
and the Figurine Museum, which was basically the Figurine Store. I did get a shot of this tableau because I hope to recreate it in real life.
I did my X-mas shopping at the mall while Nolan and Kristin got 'serviced' for seven minutes by 'massage chairs' for a mere '100 yen'.
We also stopped by the Nagahama Brewery, which was disappointing because apparently their stout is made for kids. It wasn't very hearty at all.
It was all good though. We stopped by the store and assembled a very veggie feast and some brews for our Thanksgiving dinner.
Normally, I would pitch a fit at having to eat vegetarian swill, but I was in such good company and we had such a good meal,
We played 'Drunk Dad and Bitchy Kids Eating Thanksgiving Dinner Together'. I forgave them for being plant-eating heathens. It was very a cozy dinner with the kotatsu going and watching 'Arrested Development'.
For those who know me well, you know that this inevitably occurs:
The next day, Nolan went off to work and Kristin and I headed to Nara. We stopped at the 100 yen store for moustache-making supplies because we figured any trip would be immediately kick-ass if we sported suave moustaches. Turns out we were right.
Nara is a beautiful city run by the deer mafia.
Supposedly they're the sacred animals of the place, but they way they were struttin', shiiiit, you know they got their hooves in some durty shit. And they go nuts when they see you buying deer cookies. They let out this weird 'baa' that lets the other deer know that free food is on its way. Take for example, this attack on Kristin.
(I couldn't get the video on here, so just imagine Kristin shrieking in terror as deer try to headbutt her. Bitch shouldn't have been waving the deer cookies in their face...)
And they were everywhere! In the street, in the tourist shops, hanging out at the pachinko parlor...
Aside from the deer, Nara is home to a couple UNESCO sites, including the largest wooden structure, er something. I was to busy getting a deer away from my plastic bag to fully read the plaque. Todai-ji something er other.
And apparently, Japanese Buddhist warriors use to be twenty feet tall and hanging out by the gate, protecting shit. Just goes to show, you can't find any REAL men nowadays...
We rode the train back to Nagahama in style. I love that I can do this.
Tommorrow: Part Two! Rabblerousers in Kyoto.
Nolan's blog:
erratics
Kristin's blog:
Nihon ni Muchu ni Natta
Part One- Nagahama 'n Nara
Nolan's a part of the OG crew in Chicago and one of maybe three cool people I met in the swarm of JETs hanging out those first few days in Tokyo, so it was only natural that we meet again.
I was very excited to take the Shinkansen to Nolan's house in Nagahama (right by Japan's biggest lake, Lake Biwa). Unfortunately, all the non-smoking seats were sold out, so my trip was marred by sonofabitch chain-smoking salarymen, with their skinny suits and tallboys. Nevertheless, it was cool to be whizzing through Japan at break-neck speed. I don't how fast we were going but it was fast. So fast that the toilets don't need flushers. Just open the lid and let the air flow suck it right out. Efficient.
I got to Nagahama rather late, but it was okay because Nolan was there with two bikes-one for him, one for me. He's dreamy like that. We cruised through the city, which even in the darkness, I could tell was very different from what I was used to. They have a McDonald's.
We get to his house which is a little chilly, but it was daijobu (no problem) because a kotatsu and a Kristin were there to greet us. What's a kotatsu, you ask? It's a low heated table which you stick your legs under and get toasty warm. Should be named best invention since the steam engine. What's a Kristin? Nolan's buddy from Chicago here in Japan on homestay and one of the best people to make moustaches with. I'll get to that in a second. We stayed up shooting the shit and then we dragged ourselves away to the kotatsu and into bed.
Next day was Thanksgiving! I looked out the window and there was no parade. But there was breakfast and after that we hopped on our bikes to Nolan's high school.
Ah, Nagahama! Land so plentiful with bears, they come down every first and third Friday of the month to fight with the locals. Tickets available through Ticketmaster.
It was a beautiful ride through the borders of the countryside.
Nagahama is bordered by mountains which were carpeted with trees in their autumnal glory. Now I get why the Japanese are so smug about the fall here.
We passed by one temple surrounded by a bamboo grove that was a bit shabby from wear and tear, but no less solemn.
We passed rice paddies and small gardens and obachans (grandmothers) working in the fields.
We got to the agricultural school (one of Nolan's two schools) where some farmer's market was supposed to be happening, but because we were such lazy gaijin, we only caught the clean-up. The students immediately wanted to know what kind of tricks Nolan was pulling to be having such fine-ass hos at his side and he just winked and said, "Later."
(that is so not true. Nolan is quite the gentleman. I think they made him blush a little bit. heehee)
We also came upon this sign, which maybe had to do with why I couldn't understand what the students were saying when I asked them what they were selling. I thought they all had lisps.
Afterwards, we went to a nearby temple that had these giants steps. It's fucking beatiful.
It was also a pain in the ass getting to the top, but I guess the students have to run up and down them during PE. I'd hate to be the asthma kid. The view at the top is worth it, though.
There was also a dude having a Zen moment with his sake. I would've joined him but he only had a one-cup.
Afterwards, we zipped around town. I saw the lake, which looks a tad depressing at this time,
and the Figurine Museum, which was basically the Figurine Store. I did get a shot of this tableau because I hope to recreate it in real life.
I did my X-mas shopping at the mall while Nolan and Kristin got 'serviced' for seven minutes by 'massage chairs' for a mere '100 yen'.
We also stopped by the Nagahama Brewery, which was disappointing because apparently their stout is made for kids. It wasn't very hearty at all.
It was all good though. We stopped by the store and assembled a very veggie feast and some brews for our Thanksgiving dinner.
Normally, I would pitch a fit at having to eat vegetarian swill, but I was in such good company and we had such a good meal,
We played 'Drunk Dad and Bitchy Kids Eating Thanksgiving Dinner Together'. I forgave them for being plant-eating heathens. It was very a cozy dinner with the kotatsu going and watching 'Arrested Development'.
For those who know me well, you know that this inevitably occurs:
The next day, Nolan went off to work and Kristin and I headed to Nara. We stopped at the 100 yen store for moustache-making supplies because we figured any trip would be immediately kick-ass if we sported suave moustaches. Turns out we were right.
Nara is a beautiful city run by the deer mafia.
Supposedly they're the sacred animals of the place, but they way they were struttin', shiiiit, you know they got their hooves in some durty shit. And they go nuts when they see you buying deer cookies. They let out this weird 'baa' that lets the other deer know that free food is on its way. Take for example, this attack on Kristin.
(I couldn't get the video on here, so just imagine Kristin shrieking in terror as deer try to headbutt her. Bitch shouldn't have been waving the deer cookies in their face...)
And they were everywhere! In the street, in the tourist shops, hanging out at the pachinko parlor...
Aside from the deer, Nara is home to a couple UNESCO sites, including the largest wooden structure, er something. I was to busy getting a deer away from my plastic bag to fully read the plaque. Todai-ji something er other.
And apparently, Japanese Buddhist warriors use to be twenty feet tall and hanging out by the gate, protecting shit. Just goes to show, you can't find any REAL men nowadays...
We rode the train back to Nagahama in style. I love that I can do this.
Tommorrow: Part Two! Rabblerousers in Kyoto.
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