Okay, back home and rested!

I've been a little lazy about posting this last Tokyo trip, mainly because it was so goddamn exhausting! I spent a couple days resting up (ie: drinking, writing letters, deciphering J TV). And now that I've had my afternoon snack of cookies and Coca-cola, I'm ready to dive in.

So, I caught the morning boat heading to Tokyo. I had seven hours to kill, so I had brought my ipod and Japanese homework, which was stupid because I knew I was gonna be exploring the ship like a little kid. I found the following:

• Hagen Daz ice cream machine
• Hot food machine
• Restaurant
• Blanket rental
• some sort of mystery machine with a bunch of numbers (next time I'm gonna put in 100yen and see what I get. It's probably the used panties machine)
• Coin-operated shower
• Stage

When I discovered the stage, I was kinda hoping there was gonna be some karaoke action, but it was mainly used by people as a place to sleep.

So, exploring the boat took about 45 minutes. Huh. Luckily, I encountered a girl I had met at a coffeeshop in Kozu, Kazumi.

She's gonna be one of my junior high students, and man I'm gonna school her good. She only knew like, three words, so our conversation were a tad stilted. Still she was super nice, helped me with my homework (I got bored), and helped me get some lunch. We tried to communicate with my dictionary and I found out she has an older sister and likes shopping. Wow, revelation.

We finally arrived in Tokyo. The waterways near the city sort of turn into freeways, with ships coming in from all over. The city skyline gets closer and closer until finally you're right among the neon. It's a great entrance.

We get off the ship and I head to Harajuku. I wanted to do some shopping before I met up with these dudes I had met in Kozu. I thought I would be staying at one of their houses, and I would be able to freshen up there. I was so wrong.

Ok, I know what you're thinking. I'm a total moron for deciding to stay at a guy's house that I barely knew. However, I was thinking along the lines of the free-spirited backpacker type and just go with the flow and all that hippie shit. Besides, I knew how to say 'help' in Japanese. Well, okay. I know how to say 'fire', which produces the same effect.

Anyways, I meet one of the guys, Go, in Harajuku. We go immediately to the restaurant, even though I smell like feet and boat sewage. The restaurant itself is rad: the Norbulingka in Shibuya has delicious beer and tempura. There were two women running the place who were super friendly and playing rad music like Tom Waits and obscure Jimi Hendrix.

Go was driving, so he mainly ate ice cream. I love that drinking and driving is illegal here. I would love it if more American bars served ice cream sundaes after midnight.

After my second beer, another friend showed up, David. He's one of those pretty boy hipster types, who let me know he was into foreign girls. Duly noted.

And when I thought we might be going out for the evening, they announced they had to work early the next morning. They unceremoniously dumped me in front of a hotel and told me they would call me tommorrow.

I should point out that neither of them spoke very good English and they wouldn't or couldn't tell me straight up whether or not I was staying with them. Not that I minded being dropped of in front of a hotel ("Very cheap!" they said), especially when I found out I was staying at this posh 24 hour, women only spa. Of course, I didn't know I was at a posh 24 hour, women only spa, so after I checked in, I wandered around like a lost chicken until a group of Japanese women showed me the ropes.

First you get all showered and scrubbed, then you hang out in the lower level spa and steam room and then you go to this rad ROOF TOP sauna where you soak in this outdoor pool. I could see the Tokyo Tower from there. They also had a sauna and a cold plunge pool and I got a foot massage. At around 2:30 am, I passed out on my lounge-bed thing and slept.

And then I found out they kick your ass out at 8am. That was the only shitty thing. I felt like a newborn babe, but I looked like a Texas trucker who spent the night at a Denny's lounge.

I wandered around the city, people-watching in Shibuya and Harajuku. It's interesting to see who's out and about in the morning: bleary-eyed kogals, garbagemen, business types in worn suits, looking at their feet the whole time.

I spent pretty much the whole day embracing the consumer in me and shopping. It's a little frustrating because most shops cater to American fashion, and I've never been interested in looking like Abercrombie or Fitch. Finally, after much walking around, I found a store that fit my needs.

Right next door was this shrine. I'm assuming it's devoted to the god of fah-reaks and geeks. I said a prayer there.

That day, I also met up with my friend Hide. He's also a guy I've met only once in Chicago, but this guy is genuinely one of the nicest dudes ever. Every time I have a dumb gaijin question, he's got an answer. And it's so much more fun to go to a restaurant with a native speaker. We had a delicious lunch of soba and sake, which I would've never been able to order on my own. Thank you Hide, for saving me from Western food chains!

We also went to Snoopy Town, where I got my re-entry visa, met the mayor, and took away Linus' blanket.

Afterwards, we found that internet cafe and I took a much needed shower and rested my weary feet. Spend a few hours in the city and you start smelling like one of those plastic chairs in a doctor's office that soaked up every ass smell for the past fifteen years. Yeah, that's exactly what I smelled like.

Later, I went and had sushi at a sushi bar that had a time limit: 7 plates in 20 minutes. I took care of business in ten.

Then, I went to meet Go and the others. I saw Atsushi, one of the guys I met in Kozu. Even though his English was worse than the others, we still had a good time making big hand gestures. I managed to tell him the story of an Indian zookeeper who died after suffocating in elephant shit. There are some stories everyone should know.

At the end of the evening, I was told I'd be staying at Atsuhi's house. Coo. We hopped in his car and headed to his place in the suburbs. Once there, we tipped back some shoju and he showed me his music collection. I was getting sleepy and I asked him where I would be sleeping, thinking it was gonna be on the tiny sofa in his tiny room. He looked surprised and pointed to the bed. Um...I said, "Okay, but only sleeping, yes?" just to be sure, and he looked at me totally surprised. I said, 'Boyfurendo, me, boyfurendo" and he still looked a bit confused. He had to bust out an internet translator before he finally figured out that no, I was not going to be sleeping with him, that I did not want to sleep with Go, and that I didn't feel like lying to my boyfurendo about it either. And this is after me talking about Stevhan for a good portion of the night! Jesus Christ, what a scrape! Thankfully, Atsushi was neither gropy or forceful, just sad and confused. And since couldn't really go anywhere, I curled up on the sofa and fell right asleep.

The next morning, Atsushi drove me to the train station, where he told me to write him so he could practice his English. I waved bye-bye and ducked into a bakery. I hope that's the last time I see him. Don't get me wrong. He wasn't gross or skeevy (well, he DID have dreads), but the situation was akward and weird.

I must be born under the lucky star for the stupid.

I meant to get out of Shibuya and see the rest if Tokyo, but I ended up staying there and doing some gift shopping. In the evening, I met up with Hide and his girl, Sayaka, for yakitori.

Oishi!

I related my tale of skeev dude and they wrinkled their noses in distaste. "I hope you don't think all Japanese men are like that," said Hide. We'll see. We moved to a bar, where I discovered and fell in love with lychee liquor, although what I really wanted was whiskey. After I saw Hide and Sayaka to their train, I headed back to the posh 24 hour women only spa. I got sidetracked by some fellow JETs who I had never met before. Even though they were kind enough to share their whiskey, I didn't like their obnoxious, Tokyo-is-my-oyster-to-party-in attitude. It's a kind of dipshit attitude that's tough to describe but I know I don't want to be around.So I went back to my soaking pool.

My last day, I finally escaped Shibuya and Harajuku. I went to the Imperial Palace, where I found out that back in the day, the Japanese didn't fuck around.

I don't know about nowadays, because I didn't see anyone sporting this gear on the street, but I may be wrong. Let's not forget about ninjas.

The koi fish were pretty impressive.

The palace grounds were beautiful, but not as awe-inspiring as I had hoped. I guess that's because they have the palace closed and Emperor expects the Japanese to be happy with the big ol' park outside. Which is really nice. I saw a lot of old couples on tandem bikes and that was sweet.

I had lunch at Dean and Deluca, and while the lunch lived up to the name, it was the most miserly lunch ever. The limpest, puniest piece of prosciutto ever and my Cajun pasta salad was the size of pudding cup. That's what I get for falling prey to snooty NYC delis.

Then I wandered in Ueno, which was a mistake because I basically wore myself ogling at shit I couldn't afford but drooled over anyway: Prada, Chanel, Louis Vuitton. Then again, that shit is everywhere because I am in the land of my people, the labelwhores. And going into the department stores is just as ridiculous. It ain't no JC Penny bullshit.

That was over by the escalators! I should've gone into their bathrooms and seen if I could've gotten some bidet action...

Exhausted by trying to find a gift for my mom in the one of the most expensive neighborhoods in the world, I finally collapsed at a nice restaurant across the street from the department store of the gods. I'm sure the waitstaff was horrified to see a tired, stinky gaijin, but I at that point I didn't care. I ordered unagi-don, which I thought I knew how to eat. When they brought it out, it came with so many little garnishes and sauces, I almost burst into to tears. Luckily, the giggling waitress steered me in the right direction. I hogged it down, garnishes and all. And the sake I ordered was guzzled down too.I was revitalized enough to start a small conversation with an older lady and she ended sharing some of her grilled mackeral cheeks with me. She told me repeatedly 'Okiotsukete', which by the end of my meal, the other customers translated (almost in a chorus), "Be careful!"

It was almost time to catch my boat. I dragged my heavy backpack and shopping bags and lugged them to the pier. I saw my little friend Kazumi and once again she pointed me in the right direction. We boarded and since it was a overnight ship, I looked for my chair immediately. I looked up the word for blanket and headed to the blanket rental stand. It was an uncomfortable sleep, with me moving to the floor at one point. But it was really nice to wake up and head to the deck of the ship. As I was looking out into the ocean, I spotted a flying fish jumping out of the waves. It flew for an amazing distance. I saw other little small guys taking plops out of the water. And then I saw Kozu. It was nice to be 'home'.

Ach! What a long one. Enough, then. Next Monday classes start and I'm so nervous, although I'm geeky enough to look forward to another first day of school. I'll let you know how my first classes went. I gotta go sharpen my pencils.

A wee post


I've been away from my computer for a while. I meant to write about getting stung by a jellyfish (only a little sting, but now I feel like I was initiated into Kouzu life), but was then distracted by trying to make Japanese Bloody Marys for Ryoko-san and Kyu-san (my co-worker). Not bad, considering I used soy sauce and wasabi instead of horseradish and Worcestishire sauce. The important thing was not tasting the shitty-ass vodka. We had to go to two liquor stores to find the skeevy Polish vodka (complete with a drunk moose on the label).
So, now I'm on my second night in Tokyo. It's been rather bizarre, as I've been kinda winging it with my accomodations. Tonight, who knows where I'll end up. I've gone from upscale, women-only midnight spa to showering at a manga/internet cafe. Guess which one had the tasty ice cream.
Impressions and photos of Tokyo coming soon...

Ah, Niijima...













Wait! I'll get to that. Right now, I just want to let everyone know that after sweltering like a stuck pig in an onsen, my air conditioner finally works. No more waking up and finding my sheets smelling like feet. No more sweating when pouring milk on cereal. No more rash on inner thighs.
Actually, that might be a seperate issue.
On to Niijima!
Niijima is a neighboring island that you can see from Kouzu on a clear day. I will be teaching there in February and one of the gaijin English teachers offered to put me up and show me around. Damn Canadians! Always showing us up with their socialist government, hospitality, and fine, fine syrup.
I got on the boat all by myself. If you stand around looking like a village idiot long enough, some Japanese will steer you in the right direction and smile. I smiled real big to the young Tokyo couple that helped me out, clapped my hands, and ran off to explore the boat.
For being a rinky-dink interisland boat, it was pretty plush. Nice seats, TVs showing a couple of soaps, some tatami rooms to snooze in. The best part though was the vending machine serving hot food. Hot food, yeah! I didn't know what half that deep-fried shit was, but it all looked delicious. I picked some brown looking onigiri (rice molded into triangle shapes), and I picked right! They were soo delicious and they were microwaved in one minute just for me.
I headed to the deck and chatted it up with the Kouzu clinic intern and this totally rad little girl, who would point out an object and shout the English word. She would dissolve into a fit of giggles whenever I said, "Sumimasen, wakarimasen" ("Sorry, I don't understand"). She didn't understand when I said that I was gonna find her in Tokyo, snatch her away from her parents, and take her to live in Kouzu so she could be my little playmate forever. But I think she'll be down.
Got to Niijima and Mike H (the damn nice Canadian) was at the dock waiting. We zoomed off in a little car and he showed me around the village.
Niijima is part of the same island chain as Kouzu and has the same population, but they couldn't be more different. It's shaped more like a barbell and has a few fields, while Kouzu is all mountains. Niijima is also pretty hoppin', due to the surfing that goes on here. Lots of gaijin come here to surf and soak in the free onsen. It has beach parties, reggae nights, and a glassworks factory and museum.
For dinner, we went to a barbecue put on by the local cooking club.







Delish. And I chatted it up in Spanish with a farmer who spent two years in Ecuador. Rad. Here he is with Mike teaching his kids the magic of fire.







Mike had whisked me around to soo many places that I conked out by 10pm (that bottle of shoju we polished off didn't help either). The next day, we went to a nearby island called Shikine. Way smaller than Niijima, it has kind of a rustic, run-down resort feel to it. The onsen (hot springs bath) is free and chock full of minerals to help take care of that eczema or tapeworm that's bugging you.



While I was hopping around like a puss, that little old lady in the corner was soaking up the waters like it was zero below. She just watched me and laughed. Also there were the giant sea cockroaches (funemoshi in Japanese. I think.). This guy




eased into the water with a belch and a fart, and asked me if I could be a sweetheart and get him a beer.
Yeah, I know! These guys are in Kouzu too and they run around in swarming packs! Like they're at Lollapalooza! Every time I go running, there's a point where I'm hopping and flailing my arms because I think they've gone up my shorts. They're huge and scary.
Anyways...
We stopped for some delicious black sesame ice cream (so good!) and went back to Niijima. We hung out at the beach,


where the water was calm and clear (I was trying to get a picture of my toes). Later, we met up with Yuya, one of the guys who works at the glassmaking factory. I wish I had a picture of the glass boobs he made. Very realistic. I wish mine were that hard.
We had some dinner and went to a beach party called Wax. Very chill, laidback atmosphere. Not a lot of people, but it was still a fun time. There are tents set up and big orange chairs to sip your shoju in.





We spent much of the time drinking, laughing at the nerdy Germans, and throwing sand at each other once the alcohol really kicked in. A fun time was had by all.


We could've hit the onsen, since it's open all 24 hours, but I have learned the hard way that booze and hotspringing don't mix.







Next day, I hopped back onto an even more rinkydink boat and headed back to my sleepy lil hamlet. Niijima was totally rad and it's gonna be great when I teach there, but I'm happy that I can take things in at my leisure here in Kouzu. It's enough trying to navigate something as simple as the post office right now.

Lil Kimonos and Cockroach Dollhouses

Ever since I found out I was gonna be living on an island, I was dreading finding cockroaches and other enormous insect life hanging out at my apartment like it was the Y. Lo and behold, on my second night I find one of the assholes spraying on my Prada perfume and trying on my jewelry. Asshole!
The JET program hosted a whole seminar on rural living and one of the items they stressed as most important was DO NOT SQUASH A COCKROACH, as they might spray out eggs when you squashed them, thus continuing a legacy of Prada-stealing bastards.
After I stopped squealing, I grabbed a sieve and trapped the fucker. I hunted around for the bug spray one of the teachers gave me as a welcoming gift and sprayed the shit out of it. After, like, five minutes, it finally did me the favor of dying.








Gross. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. I did not sleep well that night. I lay awake, trying not to think about them crawling on me and up my various orifices.
A week later, I found another one and I asked around the office to see what was the best way to get rid of them.
Hirabayashi-san



presented me with the gift of Gokiburi Hoi Hoi, or roach motel, as known in the States. It smells like Ajax and old man breath. It attracts cockroaches with the irresistable aroma and traps them with a sticky goo inside the house. Great.
When I opened the box, I found the most adorable roach motels, or roach cottages in this case.





WTF? The roaches are gonna die in the cutest little cottages (complete with kittycat and back patio) and I sleep on a twin murphy bed. And isn't the cutesy-ness of it just a tad macabre? I wonder what actual coffins look like here. Pink and covered in Hello Kitty. I wouldn't be surprised.
I laid out two traps. I haven't had the courage to look, but I haven't seen any cockroaches around either. Cross your fingers.

In lighter events, I went to a bon-odori festival. Kinda like a Summerfest, but with no beer gardens or Lynyrd Skynyrd.

There were maybe two hundred and some odd people there, but it was lots of fun. There were three stalls serving yakisoba, drinks, and shaved ice.




Little kids ran around in pink kimonos and navy blue yakutas. There's a real sense of community here because it's such a small village. Everyone says hello to you. All of us participated in learning the traditional dances put on by the local community group. And it was rad to see taiko drumming. They use their whole body is fully as they keep the rhythm of traditional songs. Too bad I looked like a jackass when I tried to do the steps.
As we headed home, we stopped for green tea ice cream. Walking back to our apartment building through the back streets, we could see the stars perfectly. There were dustings of the Milky Way and I caught a shooting star on its way down to the ocean. It was a perfect summer night.

Tommorrow I head to Niijima, the other island I will be teaching at in five months. I'm meeting up with a Canadian to see how the Mounties have infiltrated village socitey. Pictures soon.

Kouzu! (or Kozu, I'm still not really sure...)






This image of the village and Maehama (hama means beach) is from Daijinko, this lovely coffeeshop on the hill. The road to it is steep and littered with snakes, cicadas, and godzilla bugs.









Even though it's a fully paved road, it still feels like you're hiking through the jungle, with all sorts of fantastic jungle sounds emanating out from the trees. Along the way, I find shrines that have tea cups filled with water, incense, and Fanta grape soda bottles.








I found the coffeeshop, and alas, it was closed. But the proprietress, the lovely Miyako-san, told me to go around the back and enjoy the view.










I also found Miyako-san's husband and his cronies, who invited me for beer. I stayed for a second and third beer, a shot of the local liquor, yakitori, and eel. What? They practically forced it down my throat. Who am I to say no to Japanese hospitality. (hic!)











***







I live thirty seconds away from Maehama beach, where tiny children scurry up and over you in their hurry to get to the beach.









After a typhoon, there's crazy sea life that washes up on shore. I see the locals collect sea slugs (sea cucumbers? sea penises?) and I wonder if they use them for cooking. I don't want to know.
















I work as an Assistant Language Teacher at Kouzu High School, helping the two English teachers there. School is out till September, so I haven't met my students, but I do see them around. They work at the local market and they hang out on the beach on the weekends till the police make them go home.



When I do see them, they are very enthusiastic about using their three phrases:
"Hi!!!!!"
"How are you?!!!!"
"I am fine!!!!"







I spend my mornings studying hiragana and katakana and staring at pastry packages to see which characters I recognize. After lunch, the other teachers and I goof off by playing badminton, napping, swapping insect stories. (one of the teachers got bit by a centipede! IN HIS BED! I now go to bed wrapped up like a mummy.) Because the staff room a/c is broken and Japanese have yet to learn that a hand-held fan doesn't do shit, we eventually head to the swimming pool.



It's a very laidback school and the teachers are always willing to show me around. I feel very lucky for having been randomly placed on this island. Everyone should come over for badminton and sunbathing. Afterwards, we'll hit the vending machine by my apartment for cans of Kirin beer. Woo!






Tommorrow's blog: Bonodori festival and traditional Japanese dance. I'm a bad dancer, no matter what country.

Getting to Kouzu...

Once I was let loose by the JET head honchos, I had some time to kill before my flight to the island. I checked out the Meiji shrine and all the goth kids in their full on gear. I wanted to take a picture of the Black Lolitas, but I was too shy. Next time.
Instead, I went shopping in Harajuku!!!!
And found crazy ass foofy dresses and bonnets, straight men in tight jeans and perfectly styled mullets. Once again, to shy to take pics. I went into a clothing store and before I entered the dressing room, I had to take off my shoes and wear this:


Honorary KKK member!







After eating dinner and being dissapointed by the tiny amount of mustard available,



I headed back to my hotel room.
The next morning: KOUZU!
I was picked up by one of the English teachers, Sato-san and we hopped a train to a tiny airport in Chufu. Once there, I spent an hour watching a soap opera where some chick in a kimono was bawling about a piano, or a flood, or her shoes. I don't know, I don't speak Japanese.
We boarded a tiny Islander plane that could fit six passengers.

It was so totally awesome...until we hit turbulence, and I thought I was gonna piss out all the green tea I drank. I kept looking at the pilot to see if he was losing his cool. I looked around for a barf bag and all I found was a fan. Clearly, the Japanese have their priorities straight.
But once I arrived, it was great. Well, almost. I got hit with an overwhelming sense of homesickness and culture vertigo. I wanted to go home and cry, but instead we had an enkai (office party). The beer helped. A little bit. And so did this funny little salad, made of tiny fish who seranaded me as I swallowed them whole:


Next up: The village and my peeps...

Let's go back to when the bewilderment first started...

So, lemme go back to when I first got to Tokyo. My brithday was spent flying over the North Pole, so I thought I'd celebrate with a couple Bloody Marys, thinking I'd find some other fun-loving (drunky) JETs to help me celebrate. Wrong-o. My seatmates were huddled deep in their seats, focused on their laptops. So, I popped a Xanex, thinking I'd arrive fresh as a daisy in Tokyo. More like unconscious. Apparently, the plane RAN OUT OF GAS, and had to stop in Sapporo for refueling. I didn't even feel the landing.
Finally we get to Tokyo around ten. I wipe the drool off my pillow and start the painful process of getting off the plane, along with 200 other JETs on the flight. An hour later, still drooling, and in line for a bus.
We get to our hotel and I pass out, only to wake up at like, 5am. Woo!
Now, I'm not one to pass up a chance to explore, but I was so out of it from my Xanex coma and jetlag and carrying my 100lbs backpack, that I saty put in the hotel for the good part of two days.
When I finally stepped out, my world looked like this:




I trooped out into the Shinjuku area, where I was surrounded by lots of neon and HELLA Japanese people. Right. I'm in Japan. Makes sense. Looked around, just taking in the town and feeling like my eyes were gonna pop out of my head.
Okay, so back to the hotel room. I was comforted by the safety of other nerdy gaijin and seminars about stupid shit. So that I was ready to head back out again. This time we took a couple New Zealanders with us.
They had the brilliant idea of going out for Mexican food. Let's take in all aspects of Japanese culture.
So...
The Japanese have a hilarious idea of what 'queisadias' are like. "Well, they're just like potstickers, right? Just stuff 'em full a cheese and throw some ketchup on it for sauce. Damn, we are so down with internationalization!"

Right.




Apparently, they also think Mexicans are a bunch of fairies in skirts. Quisas...






There was more than just thimble-sized margaritas and cockroach infested blues bars (I think one Japanese woman got her first look at Mexican-American pink taco when she walked in on me hunched over the hole-in-the-ground toilet. Unfortunately, my camera was off when this occurred.), but the best part was the end of the evening. As we walked around, searching in vain for an open bar, we came across the lighthouse that is am/pm. We welcomed their delicious treats of onigiri and bento boxes, and found that their sake was kid-friendly.





Next up: getting to kouzu, or how I learned to get over my fear of dying in a Barbie-sized plane. But now, there's a typhoon about to hit, and I gots to get my underwear off the clothesline before the wind (or some dirty old man) gets them.

welcome to kouzu!

so, i`ve been on the island for about ten days. for those of you don't know, i'm here teaching english to the locals in a small village with no mcdonald's or starbucks. i've yet to meet my students, but i've seen them around at the kouzu store (the center of commerce in the village that's about the size of a minimart), peeking out at me from behind the aisles. i also see them at the beach in clusters, saying 'hello, how are you' and then dissolving into a fit of giggles.
the locals are very nice, even if they are prone to staring. i went for a walk and found a cliffside coffeeshop with an amazing view, and the owners who invited me to take a look at the view. i ended up staying for a barbecue of eel and pork on a stick, and a few glasses of shoju, the local liquor. i gotta watch out for that shit, as it is perfectly sweet and goes down smooooth...
i live in a small but nice apartment across the street from the high school. i'm thrity seconds away from a fabulous beach, and i am trying to reconcile myself with the sea cockroaches that hang out in between the rocks. motherfuckers are huge, with a million legs, and accompany me on my afternoon runs, offering me vitamin water.
that's all for now. i'm on the school's computer for now, which sucks because it keeps wanting me to write in kanji, and all i know how to write is kakakakakakokokokokoko. right.