Okay, back home and rested!

I've been a little lazy about posting this last Tokyo trip, mainly because it was so goddamn exhausting! I spent a couple days resting up (ie: drinking, writing letters, deciphering J TV). And now that I've had my afternoon snack of cookies and Coca-cola, I'm ready to dive in.

So, I caught the morning boat heading to Tokyo. I had seven hours to kill, so I had brought my ipod and Japanese homework, which was stupid because I knew I was gonna be exploring the ship like a little kid. I found the following:

• Hagen Daz ice cream machine
• Hot food machine
• Restaurant
• Blanket rental
• some sort of mystery machine with a bunch of numbers (next time I'm gonna put in 100yen and see what I get. It's probably the used panties machine)
• Coin-operated shower
• Stage

When I discovered the stage, I was kinda hoping there was gonna be some karaoke action, but it was mainly used by people as a place to sleep.

So, exploring the boat took about 45 minutes. Huh. Luckily, I encountered a girl I had met at a coffeeshop in Kozu, Kazumi.

She's gonna be one of my junior high students, and man I'm gonna school her good. She only knew like, three words, so our conversation were a tad stilted. Still she was super nice, helped me with my homework (I got bored), and helped me get some lunch. We tried to communicate with my dictionary and I found out she has an older sister and likes shopping. Wow, revelation.

We finally arrived in Tokyo. The waterways near the city sort of turn into freeways, with ships coming in from all over. The city skyline gets closer and closer until finally you're right among the neon. It's a great entrance.

We get off the ship and I head to Harajuku. I wanted to do some shopping before I met up with these dudes I had met in Kozu. I thought I would be staying at one of their houses, and I would be able to freshen up there. I was so wrong.

Ok, I know what you're thinking. I'm a total moron for deciding to stay at a guy's house that I barely knew. However, I was thinking along the lines of the free-spirited backpacker type and just go with the flow and all that hippie shit. Besides, I knew how to say 'help' in Japanese. Well, okay. I know how to say 'fire', which produces the same effect.

Anyways, I meet one of the guys, Go, in Harajuku. We go immediately to the restaurant, even though I smell like feet and boat sewage. The restaurant itself is rad: the Norbulingka in Shibuya has delicious beer and tempura. There were two women running the place who were super friendly and playing rad music like Tom Waits and obscure Jimi Hendrix.

Go was driving, so he mainly ate ice cream. I love that drinking and driving is illegal here. I would love it if more American bars served ice cream sundaes after midnight.

After my second beer, another friend showed up, David. He's one of those pretty boy hipster types, who let me know he was into foreign girls. Duly noted.

And when I thought we might be going out for the evening, they announced they had to work early the next morning. They unceremoniously dumped me in front of a hotel and told me they would call me tommorrow.

I should point out that neither of them spoke very good English and they wouldn't or couldn't tell me straight up whether or not I was staying with them. Not that I minded being dropped of in front of a hotel ("Very cheap!" they said), especially when I found out I was staying at this posh 24 hour, women only spa. Of course, I didn't know I was at a posh 24 hour, women only spa, so after I checked in, I wandered around like a lost chicken until a group of Japanese women showed me the ropes.

First you get all showered and scrubbed, then you hang out in the lower level spa and steam room and then you go to this rad ROOF TOP sauna where you soak in this outdoor pool. I could see the Tokyo Tower from there. They also had a sauna and a cold plunge pool and I got a foot massage. At around 2:30 am, I passed out on my lounge-bed thing and slept.

And then I found out they kick your ass out at 8am. That was the only shitty thing. I felt like a newborn babe, but I looked like a Texas trucker who spent the night at a Denny's lounge.

I wandered around the city, people-watching in Shibuya and Harajuku. It's interesting to see who's out and about in the morning: bleary-eyed kogals, garbagemen, business types in worn suits, looking at their feet the whole time.

I spent pretty much the whole day embracing the consumer in me and shopping. It's a little frustrating because most shops cater to American fashion, and I've never been interested in looking like Abercrombie or Fitch. Finally, after much walking around, I found a store that fit my needs.

Right next door was this shrine. I'm assuming it's devoted to the god of fah-reaks and geeks. I said a prayer there.

That day, I also met up with my friend Hide. He's also a guy I've met only once in Chicago, but this guy is genuinely one of the nicest dudes ever. Every time I have a dumb gaijin question, he's got an answer. And it's so much more fun to go to a restaurant with a native speaker. We had a delicious lunch of soba and sake, which I would've never been able to order on my own. Thank you Hide, for saving me from Western food chains!

We also went to Snoopy Town, where I got my re-entry visa, met the mayor, and took away Linus' blanket.

Afterwards, we found that internet cafe and I took a much needed shower and rested my weary feet. Spend a few hours in the city and you start smelling like one of those plastic chairs in a doctor's office that soaked up every ass smell for the past fifteen years. Yeah, that's exactly what I smelled like.

Later, I went and had sushi at a sushi bar that had a time limit: 7 plates in 20 minutes. I took care of business in ten.

Then, I went to meet Go and the others. I saw Atsushi, one of the guys I met in Kozu. Even though his English was worse than the others, we still had a good time making big hand gestures. I managed to tell him the story of an Indian zookeeper who died after suffocating in elephant shit. There are some stories everyone should know.

At the end of the evening, I was told I'd be staying at Atsuhi's house. Coo. We hopped in his car and headed to his place in the suburbs. Once there, we tipped back some shoju and he showed me his music collection. I was getting sleepy and I asked him where I would be sleeping, thinking it was gonna be on the tiny sofa in his tiny room. He looked surprised and pointed to the bed. Um...I said, "Okay, but only sleeping, yes?" just to be sure, and he looked at me totally surprised. I said, 'Boyfurendo, me, boyfurendo" and he still looked a bit confused. He had to bust out an internet translator before he finally figured out that no, I was not going to be sleeping with him, that I did not want to sleep with Go, and that I didn't feel like lying to my boyfurendo about it either. And this is after me talking about Stevhan for a good portion of the night! Jesus Christ, what a scrape! Thankfully, Atsushi was neither gropy or forceful, just sad and confused. And since couldn't really go anywhere, I curled up on the sofa and fell right asleep.

The next morning, Atsushi drove me to the train station, where he told me to write him so he could practice his English. I waved bye-bye and ducked into a bakery. I hope that's the last time I see him. Don't get me wrong. He wasn't gross or skeevy (well, he DID have dreads), but the situation was akward and weird.

I must be born under the lucky star for the stupid.

I meant to get out of Shibuya and see the rest if Tokyo, but I ended up staying there and doing some gift shopping. In the evening, I met up with Hide and his girl, Sayaka, for yakitori.

Oishi!

I related my tale of skeev dude and they wrinkled their noses in distaste. "I hope you don't think all Japanese men are like that," said Hide. We'll see. We moved to a bar, where I discovered and fell in love with lychee liquor, although what I really wanted was whiskey. After I saw Hide and Sayaka to their train, I headed back to the posh 24 hour women only spa. I got sidetracked by some fellow JETs who I had never met before. Even though they were kind enough to share their whiskey, I didn't like their obnoxious, Tokyo-is-my-oyster-to-party-in attitude. It's a kind of dipshit attitude that's tough to describe but I know I don't want to be around.So I went back to my soaking pool.

My last day, I finally escaped Shibuya and Harajuku. I went to the Imperial Palace, where I found out that back in the day, the Japanese didn't fuck around.

I don't know about nowadays, because I didn't see anyone sporting this gear on the street, but I may be wrong. Let's not forget about ninjas.

The koi fish were pretty impressive.

The palace grounds were beautiful, but not as awe-inspiring as I had hoped. I guess that's because they have the palace closed and Emperor expects the Japanese to be happy with the big ol' park outside. Which is really nice. I saw a lot of old couples on tandem bikes and that was sweet.

I had lunch at Dean and Deluca, and while the lunch lived up to the name, it was the most miserly lunch ever. The limpest, puniest piece of prosciutto ever and my Cajun pasta salad was the size of pudding cup. That's what I get for falling prey to snooty NYC delis.

Then I wandered in Ueno, which was a mistake because I basically wore myself ogling at shit I couldn't afford but drooled over anyway: Prada, Chanel, Louis Vuitton. Then again, that shit is everywhere because I am in the land of my people, the labelwhores. And going into the department stores is just as ridiculous. It ain't no JC Penny bullshit.

That was over by the escalators! I should've gone into their bathrooms and seen if I could've gotten some bidet action...

Exhausted by trying to find a gift for my mom in the one of the most expensive neighborhoods in the world, I finally collapsed at a nice restaurant across the street from the department store of the gods. I'm sure the waitstaff was horrified to see a tired, stinky gaijin, but I at that point I didn't care. I ordered unagi-don, which I thought I knew how to eat. When they brought it out, it came with so many little garnishes and sauces, I almost burst into to tears. Luckily, the giggling waitress steered me in the right direction. I hogged it down, garnishes and all. And the sake I ordered was guzzled down too.I was revitalized enough to start a small conversation with an older lady and she ended sharing some of her grilled mackeral cheeks with me. She told me repeatedly 'Okiotsukete', which by the end of my meal, the other customers translated (almost in a chorus), "Be careful!"

It was almost time to catch my boat. I dragged my heavy backpack and shopping bags and lugged them to the pier. I saw my little friend Kazumi and once again she pointed me in the right direction. We boarded and since it was a overnight ship, I looked for my chair immediately. I looked up the word for blanket and headed to the blanket rental stand. It was an uncomfortable sleep, with me moving to the floor at one point. But it was really nice to wake up and head to the deck of the ship. As I was looking out into the ocean, I spotted a flying fish jumping out of the waves. It flew for an amazing distance. I saw other little small guys taking plops out of the water. And then I saw Kozu. It was nice to be 'home'.

Ach! What a long one. Enough, then. Next Monday classes start and I'm so nervous, although I'm geeky enough to look forward to another first day of school. I'll let you know how my first classes went. I gotta go sharpen my pencils.