Going Away Party (aw, shiiiiiit!)

So, on Friday I gave my farewell speech (in Japanese!) to the students. Much to my embarrassment, I choked up and got a little teary ('Gambatte' [Keep going], they shouted). Later, some of the boys gave me shit by boo-hooing in the halls. I'll kill them in their sleep later.
After all that speechin', we were ready for my farewell party at Snow Tavern. It was the usual: delicious food, pitchers of beer,











gossip, more beer,








shochu, more food.
Somebody got a hold of some teeny maracas










and that helped keep the party going.









Tagawa-san showed me the salaryman-style drunk.












Later, the art teacher and I got cozy at the bar and had a tasting of all the liqueurs Snow had to offer:










yoghurt
green tea
green banana
cassis
Godiva White Chocolate
I pooped out a solid cone of sugar the next day.

Before I got too wasted, they presented me with a little photo album of Kozu and the high school and all the teachers wishing me well. It was a perfect souvenir of my time there. We took the obligatory group photos and soldiered on.









Greyhounds,







(like how I'm slugging that down, like I've been in the desert for months. Well I have been. I've been in a Greyhound-less desert. For days.)

more beer,







giggling.








Needless to say, I could barely remember how I got back. I believe I ran into the wall at one point. Good thing I wasn't sporting the kimono.
This one's a shorty ("Thank God!" you're thinking.) cuz I gotta keep packing. And I still have to tell you about the Tokyo JETs. Tommorrow!

I Got Me A Mothafuckin' Kimono!

But first I just gotta say: I got a little choked up during my last Bored Housewives Aerobics Class. Never again will I work out to the driving techno beats of 'Quinn The Eskimo', 'Jump (For My Love), and 'I Was Made For Loving You'. Never will I be the painfully inept gaijin akwardly trying to attempt Tae-bo kicks. And I will never hear my cheery aerobics instructor shriek out: 'GAMBATTE!!! AND FO AND TREE AND TOO AND Foooo.....'

So, Moving Day is this Thursday, so I've been saying goodbye to my favorite peeps and places in Kozu. On Monday, I kicked it with my posse,

Kyu-san,









Mori-san,








and Ryoko-san.










Kyu-san invited me over to make tako-yaki. Tako-yaki are these balls of dough, octopus, cabbage, ginger, and any other fun items you can think of (sausages, onions, needles...)








Even the machine is fun, with a little octopus imprinted on it.








We also had ginko nuts, which makes your brain twenty one times more powerful.










While I was there, I admired a beautiful orange and red kimono, which turned out to be mine! Mori-san's mom runs a secondhand kimono shop and this one looks to be a stylin' one from the sixties. Mori-san also knows how to put a kimono on, which is an elaborate process that requires at least two people. Traditionally, you're not supposed to wear anything underneath, but I kept my underwear and hairy legs on. They put an under kimono type thing and then cinch you up real tight. You're not suppose to eat anything beforehand or else you barf it out. I had had a bag of (Japanese) Doritos and I definitely felt them come up to the back of my throat.
Mori-san tied my obi into an elaborate knot, slipped on some weird white toe-socks and teeny little sandals to match my kimono. I looked in the mirror. I looked just like a springtime cherry blossom in Kyoto!









No I didn't. I looked like a Mexican scarecrow. My puny head sticking out of this beautiful kimono. This is a style reserved for a shorter, more curvaceous, more graceful woman. Movement is very limited. I think that back in the day, dudes liked their women to run around all dainty and shit. I was definitely taking teeny steps and moving slowly. You can't eat while you're wearing it, but you can go the bathroom and have sex in it. The Japanese have their priorities straight.
The girls decided it would be super fun to parade me around the apartment complex and showing me off to a couple teachers. I kinda hated the idea, but it had taken a loong time to put this thing on and I think they wanted to show off their efforts. Or laugh at me as I tried to play Sakura The Soically Retarded Geisha.











We knocked on a few doors, like it was Halloween. We took a couple pictures.









But I was relieved to get back to the apartment. There was tako-yaki to be had!

On Tuesday, I went to Tokyo, but that's a whole separate blog entry. Later. How about we discuss the debauchery that was my going-away party next!

Senryo Secret Sea Pond

Now that my time in Kozu is almost up, I'm trying to hit all the spots I missed. I packed myself a bento box, grabbed my camera and headed toward the trails out by the airport.

There's a lighthouse at one of the island, covered in all white tile and rusting beautifully,











whereupon I found the portal to a parallel universe.








I walked in, ate a peanut, walked out, and found my world irrevocably changed. One of my legs is now slightly longer than the other.

I found the helicopter launch pad and played Only Survivor Of Tsunami That Destroyed The Village (because I knew not to go running for the fish left out on the beach as the tide went out).



























But the best part of my hike was finding Senryo Sea Pond. A little cove with flat and spiky rocks surrounding it.
Getting to it was muy dangerous as the climb was very steep. Maybe my lifeless body impaled on the rocks below would've made the cove a little more picturesque, but I guess we'll never know. Or will we?















I wish I had found it in the summer so I could've just plopped right into the water. Instead, I found myself a nice overhanging rock looking out into ocean and did some thinking. About my life, my work as a teacher, whether or not it'd be funny to throw my pants into the ocean and walk home sans pants.









I tucked into my lunch of chicken salad and rice, which was very fun to eat because it was in a cute Totoro bento box. Then I played Melancholy Artist,












whereupon I discovered all the white stuff on the rocks was sea salt.











It would've been better if it was blow.

As I walked home, I passed an old lady whirring down on her granny scooter, passed by one of my students in his underpants as he changed into his wetsuit to go surfing, passed by the slightly crazy old man who hoots and always buys me a green tea at the onsen. Of course, now that I've gotten into the swing of things here, I'm off to a new island where there'll be a new set of crazies to get used to.
Sigh.
I'm gonna go watch 'Firefly'.

The F!@#ing Long Way Home

So, I'm back on the island.
Actually I've been back for five days now, but it's taken me that long to recover from my arduous voyage to Portland, OR and back.
Where shall I begin? How about the part where I was stranded on the island for two days? Ok.
So, I was stranded on the island for two days because of monster typhoon action. Waves crashed over the pier and onto the roads.








Driving rain and wind kept everyone at home, and I was a raging bitch because my travel agency kindly informed me I couldn't change my flight even if I was stranded, because I bought some sort of discount ticket. My friends here were kind enough to distract me by throwing a dinner party. Ouchi-san crashed the party (already drunk-o from being out with the guys) and we suckered him into trying on some pretty lipgloss and eyeshadow.








He was so charmed by the effect that he insisted on doing my make-up (That's not true. I begged him to do my face.). The results are, in a word, magnificent.
Before:









After!









Everyone looked GORGEOUS!











Fast forward two days later, and I'm at the NWA counter crying my eyes out to the agents. The Japanese have no word for tears so they were perplexed by my sobbing about being stranded for two days in Kozu. They looked at each other, shrugged, then phoned to Chofu airport to see if what I was saying was true. Once my story was confirmed, they booked me on the next day's flight to Portland. I french-kissed the agents and happily went on my way. Better two days late than stuck on the goddamn island.
By this time, Stevhan (who was to meet me in P-town) was introducing himself to my mother as my boyfriend. The poor sucker had gotten there before me and had a lovely dinner with my mother (that's what he said, but he was probably scared shitless and trying to find the nearest glass of whiskey).
But finally I was home! And what a lovely homecoming it was: Rhonda and her lovely lady Bianca







came down from Seattle and had a great time surprising Kristi and Ina at Beulahland.












They had no idea I was coming over and both of them barfed from the surprise. Luckily, I only have photos of their smiling faces.
A dance party ensued.


















And this is the cutest picture EVER of Rhonda J Soikowski:











The next day, I raked in the Christmas presents. Stevhan wins the title of Bravest and Most Stylish Man Ever for buying me a vintage black dress trimmed in white mink fur that fit like a mothafuckin' dream. What the fuck? Who has the balls? My man, that's who.










I also got the 'Firefly' series from my dad!! My cup runneth over. I sat under the kotatsu yesterday and basked in the dreaminess that is Captain Malcolm Reynolds. Later, I dreamt we had sex in zero gravity. Awesome.
With me in my foxy dress and Stev in a sharkskin suit,










we headed out to the revels. We stopped at Val and Abi's annual shindig where the paparazzi was crowded at the front door. After we sprayed them with mace, we dashed inside where I nestled in Val's vast bosom.








Ina also tried out her dominatrix fetish for the evening









Right before midnight, we dashed over to THE place to be on New Year's Eve in Portland: Grizzo and GCB's NYE party. It's the only place in town to make out with hot chicks, dance with naked men, play video games, AND light your hand on fire. There was even a dog getting down on the dance floor and rolling doobies in the bathroom.





















It's the reason I braved typhoon weather to get over there.

To top off the trip, I stayed at a fancy hotel, ate at Lovely Hula Hands, drank delicious coffee, went to Powells, rode the Tri-met, and ran into all sorts of peeps on the street.
I miss home. Happy New Year.