Actually I've been back for five days now, but it's taken me that long to recover from my arduous voyage to Portland, OR and back.
Where shall I begin? How about the part where I was stranded on the island for two days? Ok.
So, I was stranded on the island for two days because of monster typhoon action. Waves crashed over the pier and onto the roads.
Driving rain and wind kept everyone at home, and I was a raging bitch because my travel agency kindly informed me I couldn't change my flight even if I was stranded, because I bought some sort of discount ticket. My friends here were kind enough to distract me by throwing a dinner party. Ouchi-san crashed the party (already drunk-o from being out with the guys) and we suckered him into trying on some pretty lipgloss and eyeshadow.
He was so charmed by the effect that he insisted on doing my make-up (That's not true. I begged him to do my face.). The results are, in a word, magnificent.
Before:
After!
Everyone looked GORGEOUS!
Fast forward two days later, and I'm at the NWA counter crying my eyes out to the agents. The Japanese have no word for tears so they were perplexed by my sobbing about being stranded for two days in Kozu. They looked at each other, shrugged, then phoned to Chofu airport to see if what I was saying was true. Once my story was confirmed, they booked me on the next day's flight to Portland. I french-kissed the agents and happily went on my way. Better two days late than stuck on the goddamn island.
By this time, Stevhan (who was to meet me in P-town) was introducing himself to my mother as my boyfriend. The poor sucker had gotten there before me and had a lovely dinner with my mother (that's what he said, but he was probably scared shitless and trying to find the nearest glass of whiskey).
But finally I was home! And what a lovely homecoming it was: Rhonda and her lovely lady Bianca
came down from Seattle and had a great time surprising Kristi and Ina at Beulahland.
They had no idea I was coming over and both of them barfed from the surprise. Luckily, I only have photos of their smiling faces.
A dance party ensued.
And this is the cutest picture EVER of Rhonda J Soikowski:
The next day, I raked in the Christmas presents. Stevhan wins the title of Bravest and Most Stylish Man Ever for buying me a vintage black dress trimmed in white mink fur that fit like a mothafuckin' dream. What the fuck? Who has the balls? My man, that's who.
I also got the 'Firefly' series from my dad!! My cup runneth over. I sat under the kotatsu yesterday and basked in the dreaminess that is Captain Malcolm Reynolds. Later, I dreamt we had sex in zero gravity. Awesome.
With me in my foxy dress and Stev in a sharkskin suit,
we headed out to the revels. We stopped at Val and Abi's annual shindig where the paparazzi was crowded at the front door. After we sprayed them with mace, we dashed inside where I nestled in Val's vast bosom.
Ina also tried out her dominatrix fetish for the evening
Right before midnight, we dashed over to THE place to be on New Year's Eve in Portland: Grizzo and GCB's NYE party. It's the only place in town to make out with hot chicks, dance with naked men, play video games, AND light your hand on fire. There was even a dog getting down on the dance floor and rolling doobies in the bathroom.
It's the reason I braved typhoon weather to get over there.
To top off the trip, I stayed at a fancy hotel, ate at Lovely Hula Hands, drank delicious coffee, went to Powells, rode the Tri-met, and ran into all sorts of peeps on the street.
I miss home. Happy New Year.
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