anyways...
Kyoto! Used to be the capitol of Japan in 794, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth (I think a Tyranasaurus Rex was emperor at one point). There are many beautiful temples and buildings in the city, but I wouldn't know because I hardly saw any of it. All I saw of the city was an underground mall, an outdoor market, gaijin bars, and one temple.
Aw, I saw more than that and I'm getting ahead of myself. Why don't I introduce my fellow travellers and then I'll tell more.
The Playaz:
Nolan: Mild-mannered sensei by day, smooth operator by night, Nolan never lost his cool even when we acting like idiots and flashing our boobs.
Kristin: I bet if Kristin’s mom met the riffraff she was hanging out with, she wouldn’t let her play with us anymore.
Maisie: Sure, she looks as fresh-faced and cute as Laura Ingalls Wilder, but inside resides a diabolic mind. Having spent more time here than the rest of us, Maisie used her Japanese skillz to order drinks, bargain at flea markets, and score us the finest hashish this side of the International Date Line.
Sarah: While the rest of were bowing and kow-towing like little bitches, Sarah ran around slapping cops and scratching herself in public. Clearly the bad-ass of the group.
And of course, yours truly.
We took a two hour train ride to Kyoto. The train was a little crowded so we were separated. Maisie sat alone for maybe two minutes before she scored a Japanese boyfurendo.
Kristin unsettled the locals by announcing ‘Hai, Dozo’ and ‘Abunai’ every two minutes. Sarah looked dreamily out the window (we later found out she was fantasizing about Ludacris and NOT the fall spectacle the Japanese are so smug about).
We got to Kyoto’s giant train station just in time for lunch (It would be impossible to photograph such a monolith of a station. I’d need fifty cameras and fifty orphans all shooting at the exact moment to capture the monstrosity. And who’s got fifty orphans handy? I don’t)
We ate lunch at some mall. Here's Maisie and Sarah talking shit about some Japanese girl and Kristin's face sometimes just gets like that.
Maisie forever found a place in my heart when she spotted a locker for my big backpack (all of them were full), chased off some dirty Japanese and saved it for me.
Then we hopped a bus to Ten-jin san Market, basically this cool flea market by some temple. There was all sorts of cool shit.
And this game that looks left over from the fifties.
I wanted to buy one of these cool masks but I ain’t paying 8 bucks for a piece of plastic that isn’t gonna fit my face.
They also had silk kimonos for ten bucks, antiques, jewelry, and all kinds of crazy food. It was like being at the state fair! Except without Ted Nugent. Or elephant ears. And there’s no such thing as a state in Japan...Huh. I guess it wasn’t like the state fair at all.
By the time we were done with Ten-jin san it was already too dark to take in any culture, so it was off to get drunk-o! We headed to the cool part of town where all the other gaijin were.
It’s so funny because when you’re in Japan and you pass by another foreigner, you tend to ignore each other. Not even a look in the eyes. It’s as if all of us expats like to think we’re the only ones here (which is the case for me, so I always get a little territorial when I see one on Kozu). Anyways, there were so many here, it was like being back home. We fueled up with gyros and then started drinking.
As were weaving through the tiny streets of the Gion district (known for its traditional and expensive Japanese restaurants),
we caught a glimpse of a geisha! I was so starstruck, I trailed her for a bit, hoping she would turn around. I couldn't even get a picture of her back, she walked so fast. I wish I’d gotten a better look. In fact, everyone stopped and stared when she passed. It was like catching a glimpse of a fairy-tale past.
It was tough finding a good place because even though they had cool names like ‘Persian Club’ and ‘Demon’ and ‘Bar’, their drinks tended to be watered down and lame. We finally found a spot with decent drinks and darts. Sarah and Kristin flirted with the bartender ( perhaps an extended homestay?) while Nolan, Maisie, and I played darts. Well, they played and I hurled darts everywhere but the board.
We stopped at this place,
where Sarah announced to the server and everyone at the table that Nolan got her pregnant!
Which led to more drinking....
We went from bar to bar, playing ‘I Never’, showing boobs (actually that was just me and Sarah), and using the words ‘penis’, ‘vajin’ (compliments of ‘Borat’), and any other expletives we could think of because we could. I wish there would’ve been a Japanese person who wowuld've turned around and said, “Cocksucker! I haven’t heard that one in years!” and then proceeded to teach us how to say cocksucker, meat curtain, and Dirty Sanchez (Dirt-i Sanchez-u?) in Japanese. Such raunchiness could only culminate in a trip to THE KARAOKE BAR!! Huzzah! A room, unlimited drinks, adnd five crazy bitches. We all rocked so hard, I’m surprised we don’t have record deals.
Since the trains stop running at ten pm and all the hostels were booked up, our inevitable end was an internet cafe. You get a tiny little cubicle (supposedly you can fit three people, but that is an out and out lie) and geek out (play videogames, read manga) or pass out. We chose the latter and three of us were stuffed in a cubicle while Kristin and Nolan enjoyed a spacious extra foot of space.
We woke up early to avoid more charges (all of our money had been drank away and was getting ready to leave the lower intestines) at 6:30 in the motherfuckin' morning.
We were wrecked, pukey, and looking for breakfast. Actually, Nolan looked like he was about to jet off to a modeling gig or something and the rest of us looked like sea hags. Sexy sea hags.
We thought it’d be a shame if I left for Tokyo without catching a bit of culture, so we stopped by a temple, where I caught a glimpse of Kyoto’s autumnal beauty. Since it was so early, the temple grounds were quiet and serene with only cute dogs to greet us
There were trees in all sorts of beautiful colors and there was a little creek winding through.
It was really gorgeous and I’m sorry I only saw a little bit of the temples.
Of course the solemnity was marred a little when Sarah discovered the glories of good morning crotch scratch.
And then we had to play Lowrider Hos when we found the sexy cars.
After such tomfoolery, it was time for me to head home. As I waved goodbye, I was sad to be the first one to go. I found my way to the station, boarded the shinkansen and promptly fell asleep.
I'll be back.
1 comment:
When are you going to take ME out? --Kristi
PS--I had my first beer in two years the other night.
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